


Accomplices

by Denrinko



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood and Gore, Brutal Murder, Burns, Consensual Underage Sex, Corpse Desecration, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Graphic Description of Corpses, Guilt, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor/Past Tense/Unrequited Shizaya, Murder, Neurological Shock, Non-Consensual Drug Use, POV Alternating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Self-Defence, Self-Induced Coma, Slow To Update, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-05-24 11:44:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 42,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14954057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denrinko/pseuds/Denrinko
Summary: Aoba's dead, Mikado killed him... It was self-defense but who's going to believe him? Mikado thinks it's over for him but he realises there's one person who can help him...but what would Izaya's price be for something like this? And what does Mikado have to offer now he's broken and dirty like this?





	1. Horrifying Affair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly and Lazily re-editing work - Please excuse the mistakes!

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

"Ugh…" Mikado woke up to a pounding pain in the back of his head. His brain was thumping against his skull in a way that made the teen want to cry. He forced open his eyes and blinked a few times. It was almost completely dark. After a while, his eyes adjusted.

W-where was he?

The cracked concrete ceiling above him definitely wasn't his. He tried to move, sit up but something stopped him, his blue eyes widened as he looked over to see his wrists tied to a bed frame with thick rope.

What?

His groggy mind was barely able to understand what he was looking at before he looked around to see if his ankles were tied too only to find something more disturbing.

He noticed a blob of blue moving, he felt a weight on his legs – what? Wait a minute. Mikado started struggling as he realised what was happening. That warm, wet feeling on his penis, he knew what that was and realising it made his blood run cold.

Mikado started struggling harder but it was no use, his wrist and ankles were tied tightly to the bed frame, struggling was only making them cut into his skin. But to the teen's relief, his movements must have surprised the attacker because the disgusting feeling stopped.

"Whoa!" the person pulled back surprised and Mikado looked at the familiar feminine face in horror.

"Ara, sempai! You're finally awake." Aoba smiled down at him, wiping his mouth.

"W-what are you doing?" Mikado exclaimed mortified, looking at the boy then down at his body. He was completely naked, he looked down at his exposed member seeing it had been unresponsive to the assault.

He stared at Aoba in dumbstruck horror, the younger teen was also entirely naked, his body looked just as girly as his face but the straining erection between his legs revealed his true gender.

Fear seized the teen as he realised what Aoba's intention was, it was obvious. But why? Mikado shook with emotion as he stared at his kohai with wide blue eyes.

Why was he doing this? It didn't make any sense.

"You know, I'm disappointed Sempai. I was so sure you'd be amazing but you can't even get it up, do you have issues?" Aoba commented casually as he climbed off the bed and Mikado clenched his teeth in anger.

He clenched his fist as he watched Aoba walk over to a pile of discarded clothes on the ground.

Issues!? Of course, he wasn't going to get hard like this? He was being raped for Christ sake! He felt disgusted!

He made a deal with Aoba, they had an agreement and this weasely little asshole had done this!

"You're the one with issues, what the hell do you think you're doing!? I swear to god Aoba if you touch me again your hand won't be the only thing with a pen in it!" the Dollar's leader threatened coldly and Aoba shivered, licking his lips.

"Ah~ your threats are the best sempai~! They really get me going!" the teen purred reaching into a pile of discharged clothes to pull out a syringe with pink tinted liquid in it. Mikado's lips curled in disgust, his intimidation hadn't worked, he couldn't talk Aoba out of this.

What was wrong with this guy?

"What is that?" Mikado asked eyeing the needle with wary eyes as Aoba came closer. The younger male didn't answer but the Dollar's leader knew it wasn't anything good. He started struggling, the ropes around his wrist and ankles burning as they cut into his skin.

He had to get away! He had to escape!

"It's just a little something you get you in the mood~" Aoba smirked grabbing Mikado's arm and plunging the needle into his vein, emptying it into his body within a matter of seconds.

"No!" Mikado gasped in horror. What had Aoba given him? What kind of drug? God, he was really going to get raped, wasn't he?

Mikado bit his lip, holding back tears, he wouldn't show this asshole any weakness.

Mikado looked up as the other teen who was climbing on top of him, sitting on his stomach. It only took a few moments for Mikado to start feeling something, there was a heat growing in him, like a fever.

No, no, no, it couldn't be! That drug must have been some kind of aphrodisiac! Mikado wanted to cry as he felt blood flowing into his member, making it harden.

"Ugh." he shivered as Aoba's hands brushed along his ribs. "Stop touching me! Why are you doing this?" Mikado started struggling even harder.

He felt hot, too hot. His erection was already painful and he wanted to scream. His mind felt cloudy as he looked up at Aoba but he refused to give in.

"It really does work fast like the rumours say!" Aoba said happily looking over his shoulder to admire the older teen's erection. Mikado glared at the other teen though his breath was coming out in short gasps so he didn't look anywhere as threatening as he should.

"Y'know, speaking of rumours…I heard that you've done it with that filthy animal of an informant…" Aoba sneered, scratching his nails down Mikado's torso making him gasp in pain and pleasure.

He felt sick, he could feel his cheek flush in shame. How could he feel pleasure in this sort of situation? And that question…

How did Aoba know about Izaya? No one knew about their…their friendship! He closed his eyes before opening them again and taking a deep breath, glaring at the teen before him.

"Is that true?" Aoba demanded his hazel eyes flashing in almost what seemed to be jealousy.

"I-it's none of your business!" Mikado growled trying to make his voice more stable.

The answer seemed to anger Aoba slightly as he reached behind him to roughly grab Mikado's erection. Mikado refused to make a sound, he felt nausea and heat mix in his stomach, it felt like he was going to throw up.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore, right? You have me now so you don't need to ever go back to that evil bastard." Aoba announced possessively as he used his free hand to raise his body up. Mikado's eyes went wide as his dick pressed into the entrance of Aoba's ass.

"No-!" he cried his voice panicked trying to struggle once more but it was no use as the younger teen slammed his hips down and Mikado felt pile rise his throat.

"Ahhhh!" Aoba moaned loudly as his ass swallowed Mikado's cock whole. It was wet and incredibly hot and Mikado could feel it twitching around his dick.

His blue eye stung with tears, his virginity…was now gone. He felt so ashamed, how could he let this happen? Why…why did it feel so good but so entirely disgusting at the same time?

"Ahh~ You're so big and hot sempai." Aoba moaned, his eyes half-lidded.

Mikado mustered the best glare he could but he knew his eyes had tears in them. Aoba shivered and licked his lips. Placing his hands on Mikado's chest to balance himself, he raised his hips. Mikado watched mortified as his dick slid out that slick hole before being swallowed up again.

"Ah! Ah! So good! Sempai!" Aoba's wanton moans filled the empty room as he bounced eagerly on the older teen's dick. Mikado kept his teeth clenched knowing that if he were to open his mouth he'd let out some sort of noise. Tears finally trailed down his cheeks in shame.

Mikado could feel every movement Aoba made, every slight touch of his skin.

It felt so horribly good. Aoba was so hot and wet it felt like Mikado was going to lose his mind but he knew, he knew that it was the drug making it feel good and nothing else. That kept him sane. But he felt so defiled as he focused his eyes on the cracked ceiling.

"Ah! Ahn! Mikado-sempai!" Aoba moaned, "Ahh, I'm cumming!" the small boy cried. Mikado closed his eyes tight as he felt the boy's ass clamp around his member, twitching violently – it hurt! A blinding white heat filled his body as he came deep inside his rapist.

Aoba came to a stop, panting heavily. "Ah, you came, I'm so happy." He whispered breathlessly and Mikado trembled. He felt so disgusting, so violated and used.

"I love you Mikado-sempai." Aoba murmured, his lips brushing against Mikado's ear.

Love? No, this wasn't anything like love. But Mikado could use this. If he could convince Aoba that he was really into it. The younger teen might just untie him and if he tied him – he could get away. But where would he go? How could he face anyone like this? What was he meant to do?

"You're hard again." Aoba purred sucking lightly on his neck. Mikado opened his eyes to look up at his assailant but this time there was no glare only the dazed look of someone lost in pleasure. Aoba lifted his hips again and slammed them down.

"Anh…!" Mikado shivered as he moaned and Aoba grinned.

"Ah! Does that feel-Ah!- good sempai? Ahh!" Aoba panted moving his hips faster. Mikado pulled against the restraints on his arms as if he wanted to touch Aoba and then groaned his frustration.

"Ah, Aoba-!" Mikado groaned shamelessly. Aoba's moved faster, wanting more of the older teen's moans. "Kiss me-!" he cried surprising the younger teen but he quickly complied.

The taste of Aoba's tongue in his mouth made him want to vomit and bite down on the offending organ but the teen restrained, forcing himself to kiss the boy back eagerly.

"Sempai! Sempai! I love you!" Aoba cried, tears running down his face as he moved. Mikado thrust his hips up to meet with Aoba's.

"Ahhh!" the boy cried out in surprise stopping his movements but Mikado continued, pounding into the small teen from below as he realised his plan just might work. But he needed to be more convincing, it wasn't just enough to act like he was enjoying it. He had to act as if he wanted Aoba himself, that he liked him.

"You feel so good Aoba-kun~" Mikado purred his eyes half-lidded in an expression that could only be described as predatory. Aoba trembled screaming out the older teen's name as he came again, white cum spattering over Mikado's stomach.

Disgusting. It was so disgusting. Mikado wanted to cry, he wanted to scream and vomit and run away but he couldn't, he just watched as Aoba collapsed on top of him, panting heavily. Mikado was still hard, the burning heat from the drug painfully torturing his body.

He ground his hips up into the younger teen who moans. "More, again." Mikado breathed heatedly and Aoba trembled with desire. They kissed, messily sloppily as Aoba started to slowly move but Mikado slammed into from below, his pace ruthlessly fast.

"Ahhhug! Sempai! It's too much! No! Ah! Mikado-sempai! Slow down! AHHH!" Aoba collapsed onto his chest.

"Ah, Aoba, fuck, ah! I want to touch you! Please, Aoba!" Mikado moaned straining against his ropes to try and kiss the teen but he was not able too. "Please! I can't take it!" his eyes were the picture of desperation.

Aoba shakily undid the ropes tying Mikado to the bed and the older teen sat up. He wrapped his arms around Aoba's waist, slamming hard into his body.

"Ah, sempai!" Aoba's nails clawed at his back and Mikado rested his chin on the boy's shoulder. "I love you! Mikado-sempai!"

Mikado's eyes focused on the restraints on his ankles, the skin under them was red and raw. His blue eyes narrowed as he fucked the teen in his arms faster. His eyes surveyed the room looking for something, anything and then his eyes settled on it. Next to the bed was a clump of concrete.

"Ah, sempai!" Aoba cried in his ear as he came once again, Mikado clenched his teeth and moaned as he came. Mikado wasted no time, he kissed the younger teen's neck, making his way up to his ear.

"More…I wanna do it harder…I wanna fuck you from behind." Mikado breathed hotly in the teen's ear making him shiver and Aoba looked up at him, judging him with his lust clouded eyes. Mikado panted, grinding his hips. "Hurry Aoba, it hurts." He moaned tightening his hold on Aoba's body desperately.

Aoba untied the restraints and Mikado flipped him over, slamming into him from behind, Aoba couldn't see but his blue eyes were as cold as ice as they looked down at the teen. "Ah! Sempai! So deep!" the boy moaned looking back at him with tears in his eyes but by then the older teen had changed his expression. Mikado licked his lips and flipped him over again, holding him close. Aoba's legs wrapped around his waist, locking him in place but Mikado didn't care.

"Aoba-!" he grunted and the boy wrapped his arms around his shoulders pulling him so close not even a piece of paper would fit between them. Mikado reached out over the edge of the bed, his hand taking hold of something hard and rough.

Finally. Finally. He could stop. It was over. It was over! He could stop this, he could escape!

Mikado pulled back from Aoba, his movements completely stopped. The younger teen looked confused, his face was a complete mess of tears and salvia. "Mikado-sempai…?" he murmured panting. Mikado raised his hand and Aoba's eyes went wide, he screamed.

Blood spattered as Mikado brought down the chunk of concrete. Mikado looked down at the other teen emotionlessly as he screamed and struggled.

Again, again, again, again and again, that rock slammed into Aoba's face with all the strength Mikado could muster. He did it until Aoba went quiet, he did it until he went limp.

He did it until he could see that asshole's brain matter in the mess of blood and bone that used to be his face.

Mikado sat back, panting heavily. He was covered in hot, sticky blood, it ran down his arms, spattered all over his face and chest. Tears ran down his face as he dropped the now bloody chunk of concrete as stared at what he had done.

He's dead…

He killed him….

He killed him!

Mikado wanted to scream but all that escaped him were broken sobs. He looked down at his bloody hands. The teen sobbed, staring at the body with empty eyes as he climbed off the bed but he didn't get far. His legs gave out and he sobbed even harder.

Why? Why? Why of all things was he still hard? How could he kill someone and still be hard? The teen curled up into a ball, closing his eyes.

It's just the drug. It's just the drug. It's just the drug. He chanted as tears streamed down his face. What was he supposed to do now? He was a murderer! The police would never believe it was out of self-defense! He'd go to jail forever for murder!

No! He didn't want that! What could he do? There was no one he could count on now.

No.

Wait.

Maybe that wasn't true.

He definitely knew someone who would know what to do but the payment for calling him would be ridiculously steep. But he had no other choice, the worse that could happen? He could not call him and go to jail or call him and have the slight chance of getting help.

Mikado nodded and crawled over to the pile of clothes, looking through them for his phone. He found it but his clothes were no longer usable, Aoba had seeming cut them off his body leaving them in shreds.

He took a deep breath and looked through his phone for the one contact he could call. He had no other option, wiping the tears from his face he hit the call button. It didn't take long before there was an answer.

"Good evening Mikado-kun~ what a wonderful surprise to hear from you~" Orihara Izaya's playful voice filled his ears and Mikado took a deep breath.

"I-Izaya-san." He murmured, his voice sounded empty even to him.

"Oya, what's the matter?" the informant asked his tone amused and Mikado wanted to cry.

What would this cost him? He was scared, so scared but he didn't know what else to do.

"Izaya-san…I-I messed up…I did something terrible… please, I need your help." he whispered fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.


	2. A Call for Help.

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya looked up at the abandoned building before him. It looked dark and empty. Izaya frowned, Mikado had shared him this location, but why was the teen here? Izaya turned on the flashlight of his phone and stepped into the building.

What sort of accident could the teen possibly call him out for? Why did he need his help? Why did he sound so empty and broken? Izaya needed to know.

"Mikado-kun?" he called looking around a bit before climbing the stairs. Izaya walked down the dark corridor feeling uneasy, it was not a comforting place. Like something out of a horror movie. Questions plagued the informant's mind as he quickened his pace, urgent to find Mikado.

"Izaya-san." A familiar voice quietly called out, startling the man in the darkness. Izaya looked around, hearing but not seeing the teen. Something was wrong, really wrong.

"Mikado-kun? Where are you?" Izaya called out walking down the hall, the flashlight on his phone his only source of light. Izaya was worried now, the teen didn't sound good. In fact, he sounded small and broken.

"In here." The voice replied and Izaya swallowed heavily, feeling nervous.

Izaya followed the sound of the teen's voice to a room at the end of the hall. He blinked in surprise as he shined his light on the teen.

"Mikado-kun…is that blood?" he asked stunned. Mikado was covered in red blood, it covered his hands and spattered all over his almost naked body. Izaya crouched near the teen taking in his appearance.

The teen looked at him with empty blue eyes and tear stained cheeks, he was completely naked only his jacket was draped over his waist kept his privates covered, his wrists and ankles were red and bleeding with deep rope marks. Izaya's heart hammered in his chest as he took a deep breath.

"Mikado-kun, what happened?" he demanded, concerned. Mikado closed his eyes and pointed across the room. Izaya didn't like the teen's silence as he stood up and shone his phone over the room.

He froze, walking forward slowly towards the rusty bed in the middle of the room. His red eyes widened as he took in the scene.

Ropes on each bedpost, an empty needle, a naked body - their face was caved in and there was a bloody chunk of concrete on the bed. It didn't take long for the man to realise what had happened and his stomach dropped and his blood ran cold.

"Mikado…who is this?" he murmured quietly looking back at the teen who looked incredibly pained.

"I-it's Aoba-kun…" he whispered so quietly Izaya could barely even hear him.

"Aoba? Kuronuma Aoba?" Izaya asked shocked and Mikado gave a curt nod.

"H-he…I…" a broken sob escaped from Mikado's lips and Izaya frowned. He walked over and crouched next to the young Dollars leader, he put a gentle hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him.

"Mikado, it's okay. You don't have to tell me." Izaya murmured softly, he had a rough guess as to what had happened. Mikado shook his head, he went to reach out to touch Izaya but stopped when he caught sight of his bloody hands, he pulled them back to his chest.

"I…I woke up tied to that bed." Mikado murmured looking at the floor, his eyes looked glassy. "He…he drugged me and then he…he…r-raped me and I couldn't do anything…"

"Mikado…" Izaya murmured softly looking down at the broken teen. He'd seen Mikado in a lot of different emotional states but this was different, this was setting off alarm bells in his mind that were telling him that his favourite teen might be completely broken. "It's okay."

"No-! It's not okay Izaya! I-I pretended…I fucked him like I liked it! So I-so I could…I could…!" Mikado exclaimed tears streaming down his face. "I killed him Izaya! I killed Aoba-kun!" the teen started pulling at his hair, completely distraught.

Izaya watched him stunned for a moment before frowning deeply. "Mikado!" he snapped breaking the teen out of it, the teen looked at him scared. "You called me here to help you didn't you?" he asked sternly and Mikado nodded.

"Then snap out of it! I can't help you if you're going to be like this." the Informant grabbed the teen shoulders making him look into his eyes. "I want you to listen to my words closely Mikado. It was self-defense. You had every right to defend yourself, do you understand me?"

Mikado looked up at him, searching his eyes for something but eventually, he closed his eyes and nodded. "Now, do you want me to help you?" Izaya asked and Mikado nodded again.

"Y-yes, please. I-I know this is risky for you…but I'll give you anything you want." The teen murmured quietly and Izaya raised an eyebrow. That was definitely a deal he'd couldn't pass up.

"I'll keep you to your word Mikado." Izaya smirked and stood up. "Get dressed."

"My clothes are all ripped." Mikado pointed to a pile of cut up clothes. Izaya frowned and sighed.

"Then wear his clothes." He crossed his arm and nodded his head at Aoba's discarded clothes. Hesitation rose in Mikado's eyes. "Tsk." Izaya clicked his tongue and grabbed the boy's ripped clothes, wiping the blood off his face and hands, most of it came off but some had already dried, leaving a slight brownish stain.

He picked up Aoba's blue shirt and pulled it over the teen's body. Izaya grabbed the pants next. "Move your hands." The told the teen who was holding down his jacket to cover himself.

"N-no, turn around, I can do it myself." Mikado protested as the man tugged on the jacket covering his manhood.

"Mikado, I've seen you naked a million times." Izaya sighed, rolling his eyes. He finally got the jacket away and he was met with a surprising sight, Mikado was erect. Izaya blinked and then frowned.

"That must have been one strong drug. Come on, put the pants on." Izaya said letting the teen pull the jeans over his member, the jeans were a bit small but that was to be expected.

"What are you going to do?" Mikado asked as the informant brought himself to his feet. Izaya steadied the teen with his hand and looked him in the eye. What did he think? What else could they do?

"We're going to get rid of the body. I have a plan but we need to leave here and get supplies." Izaya said and Mikado closed his eyes again, looking conflicted but he remained silent.

"This is an abandoned building so the likelihood someone will discover this in the next twenty-four hours is next to none." Izaya said helping the teen walk, "So, we'll go to my apartment and clean you up first." He smiled as they walked down the hallway and Mikado nodded.

Izaya found it surprisingly easy to get Mikado to his apartment without being seen. He knew all the alleyways and little secret shortcuts. Mikado tucked his red-stained hands into his jacket, leaning heavily on Izaya.

When they got to his apartment, the teen made an unsteady beeline to the bathroom. Izaya sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. When he'd saw Mikado's name on the caller ID he was happy, he thought the teen was calling him for a booty call like usual, even something work-related, but definitely not to help him dispose of a dead body.

"What am I doing?" he muttered aloud wandering upstairs to find Mikado some clothes. After digging through his closet he found a smaller pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and carried them back to the downstairs bathroom.

Izaya knocked on the door. "Mikado-kun? I brought you some clothes." The man called out but Mikado didn't reply, Izaya sighed and looked up at the clock. "What!?" Izaya's eyes widened. It'd been over an hour since Mikado got in the shower!

"Mikado? I coming in." Izaya opened the door and looked around, it was so cold. The shower was running but there didn't seem to be anyone in it. Izaya frowned and opened the door.

"Mikado!" he gasped seeing the teen unconscious on the floor of the shower. Izaya quickly turned off the shower which was icy cold. "Mikado!" he kneeled next to the teen shaking his shoulder. His skin was like ice. "Shit!"

Izaya picked the teen up not caring if he got wet. He listened carefully, thankfully Mikado was breathing.

"God, what were you thinking?" he sighed grabbing a towel to dry the teen, he quickly dressed the teen and grabbed the first aid kit before heading upstairs to his bedroom. The information carefully laid the teen down and sat beside him, opening the first aid kit.

He gently held up Mikado's wrist. "You struggled really hard, didn't you? You must have been so scared…poor thing." Izaya murmured softy looking at the rope burn, it was openly bleeding in some places.

He carefully applied antiseptic cream and bandaged each one of Mikado's wrists and ankles. Izaya sat there for a moment.

Mikado…was raped. It was so hard to believe…Izaya heard of people being assaulted almost every day but he never imagined it would happen to someone like Mikado, someone Izaya had slept with, held in his arms.

Izaya knew Mikado was physically weak but the fact someone like Kuronuma Aoba had managed to capture him like that made the informant feel sick to his stomach. He pulled the covers over the sleeping teen, glad to see he had warmed up.

"Rest, you deserve it." Izaya murmured brushing the teen's hair out of his face. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day." He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the teen's forehead.

Izaya left the lamp on for the teen in case he woke up, he knew Mikado would most likely panic if he woke up in the dark after such a traumatic experience. He left the room, going right to his desk. He had some researching to do, he had to dispose of the body so that no one would ever find no matter how hard they looked.

It wasn't hard for Izaya to come up with a foolproof plan. He knew a fair bit about the dispose of bodies thanks to his job. Of course, he could almost call some underground cleaners to dispose of Aoba's body but then the underground would know he was involved and he couldn't afford that, especially not right now.

There was no doubt Aoba would be looked for, despite how evil the little shit had been, he was quite loved by his parents and had loyal friends in the Blue Squares. Even his very own siblings seem to have some sort of relationship with him. "Ah, Kururi will be furious if she finds out I had something to do with his disappearance." He sighed. It was almost sad. He liked Kururi the best out of the two sisters.

* * *

Dawn was breaking and Izaya stood up from his desk, a foolproof plan in his mind. He had already told all his customers and Namie he was going on holidays for a few days. It was also summer holidays so Mikado didn't have to worry about school.

Izaya made his way upstairs to his bedroom, checking in on the teen. He stood next to the bed looking down at the teen. How did this happen? Why did this happen to him of all people? He wasn't entirely surprised he killed someone after learning of his ruthlessness but Izaya feared the teen might not recover from this at all.

Izaya shook his head, he had to shower and change. He left a note for the teen, putting it on the bedside table before he turned and left the apartment wearing a pair of dark blue jeans, a purple hoodie and sneakers. It would be best if no one could recognize him. His trademark jacket was just too obvious. He'd even combed back his fringe to make himself look even more like someone else.

As he left his apartment in the early hours of the morning, he glanced back at the building. "I'll be back soon." He murmured to the teen before setting out in a brisk walk. Izaya went right to the car rental place.

"Good morning!" he greeted the man cheerfully and the man smiled back.

"Welcome! How may I help you today?" he asked and Izaya looked around with a smile.

"I was looking to rent something for a camping trip. It's sort of a last minute thing, wanted to do something special for my little bro while he's on school holidays." Izaya explained using a more casual tone than he usually would.

"That sounds like fun! We've got plenty of great vehicles. Are you looking to go off-road?" the man asked walking over to an array of four-wheel drives. Izaya shrugged, where they were going was fairly off the beaten track.

"I'm not sure but it would great to have a car that could do that. I also need a lot of space for our stuff."

"Oh, I have the perfect thing! We have a Toyota Land Cruiser with an optional rooftop tent." The man pointed to a silver four-wheel drive and Izaya smiled brightly.

"That sounds wonderful!" Izaya said cheerfully and the man grinned, happy to make a successive business deal.

"I'm glad, let's go to the office and do the paperwork while they get the tent on." The man smiled and gestured to another man who gave him the thumbs up and disappeared.

Soon, Izaya had successfully rented the perfect vehicle for what he needed. "Alright then Nakura-san, we'll see you in four days!" the man brightly smiled as he handed Izaya the keys.

"Thank you! I'll take good care of her." He promised getting into the car and waving to the man before leaving the yard going right to his next destination; the department store. His face was blank as he drove, it was really happening. He'd rented the car and now he was getting the supplies.

He was going to dispose of a body.

He parked the car and went over the list of things he needed in his mind. Sleeping bags, food, water, matches, garbage bags, a shovel, fuel can, clothes, gloves, aprons… it was a long list but it was a good one. He grabbed a trolley and started searching for everything he needed.

As he was looking at a black hoodie for Mikado, Izaya felt his phone buzz in the pocket of his jeans and one look at the phone told him who was calling. "Good morning Mikado-kun." He greeted the teen.

"Where are you?" Mikado asked immediately and Izaya sighed. It seems the teen was scared he was going to back out by the urgent tone of his voice.

"I'm shopping for supplies. I shouldn't be too much longer." Izaya explained to the teen picking up the right size hoodie and putting it in his cart. "How are feeling?" he asked the teen picking out more clothes for the said boy. There was a moment of silence on the other end before Mikado spoke up again.

"D-don't ask me that." He whispered sounding just as broken as he did last night and Izaya sighed, rubbing his temples.

"You have to try to come to terms with this. I know it's hard but just try and remember what I said last night." Izaya finished picking out clothes and moved onto shoes, buying two pairs of shoes for the each of them.

"You mean the whole self-defense thing?" Mikado murmured and Izaya could basically see his shoulders slump.

"Exactly. Listen, I'll be back soon just rest up, I want you to try and eat something okay? And don't leave the apartment, do you understand?"

"Yes, I'll do my best." Mikado said and Izaya smiled.

"Alright. See you soon."

"Bye." Mikado whispered before hanging up, letting dial tone echo in Izaya's ear for a moment as he stood there.


	3. Reality Check.

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

Mikado stared blankly at the man before him. Izaya was actually helping him, he was putting himself at risk and the teen couldn't understand why. It's not like he wasn't grateful but he didn't understand what the informant was thinking…but then again, he never really had.

"We'll wait until it's dark to get the body. I have some large suitcases that it will fit in-" Izaya was still talking but Mikado had zoned out.

Izaya kept saying 'the body' or 'it' he wasn't saying what-no, who it actually was.

Aoba.

It was Aoba.

It was Aoba's body.

"Mikado-kun?" Izaya got his attention once again. Mikado looked into those red eyes, they were duller than he had remembered.

He'd thought about it when Izaya had been out…

That it would have been so much better if he had died too.

He should have climbed to the roof of that building and thrown himself off. If he had done that then Izaya wouldn't be burdened right now, he wouldn't have put Izaya in danger like he did.

Why? Why didn't he think of that? Once he was found, the police would be able to piece together what had happened right? There would have been drugs in his system and rope marks on his body, they would have known he didn't want it, they would have known that he killed Aoba in self-defense.

"Mikado. What are you thinking about?" Izaya's voice was demanding as it cut through his thoughts. Mikado swallowed heavily wondering if he should tell the informant the truth. He decided that he would give Izaya the option, the option to back out.

"Izaya…wouldn't it just be easier if I died?" the teen murmured not looking at the older man, complete silence filled the room for a moment before -

**_SLAP!_ **

A sharp pain shot through Mikado's cheek and he looked up in shock at Izaya.

"How could you say something like that?" the man exclaimed angrily, "Why should you have to die? Kuronuma brought this on himself! Killing yourself would only mean that he succeeded in breaking you down, are you really going to let him win?" Izaya growled grabbing Mikado by the collar, startling the teen.

Mikado looked up at Izaya with wide eyes. Where…where had this outburst come from? He'd never seen Izaya so emotional before.

"Well, are you? Were you lying to be when you'd say you'd evolve?" Izaya shook the teen slightly, his red eyes burning into the teen.

"I-Izaya-san…" tears stung his eyes as he looked away from those familiar eyes.

Why did he care so much? Sure, they were sex friends but it's not like either of them were in love with the other. They just had a mutual interest and attraction.

Mikado closed his eyes, unable to look into those piercing red eyes any longer.

 _'Mikado-sempai, I love you!'_ Aoba's face resurfaced in his mind but it wasn't the tearful one the boy had when he'd been on top of Mikado but instead it was that cruel and sadistic smile he'd had on his face when he asked Mikado to become the leader of the Blue Squares – it was every grin and sneer the boy had ever given him.

Mikado thought of every threat Aoba had made against Anri and everyone one else he cared for. How he'd attacked Toramaru and threatened everything Mikado had so carefully built. How Aoba cared about no one about himself and would literally throw anyone and everyone under the bus if it suited his goals.

No, he would never let someone like him win. He couldn't be ruined by such a person.

Mikado opened his eyes again, looking directly into Izaya's eyes, meeting his stare dead-on.

"No." he said completely determined. "I didn't lie and I will never let someone like him win." He grabbed Izaya's hand fearlessly, prying off his hold on his hoodie.

Izaya's lips curled up into a delighted smirk. "Good. Overcome this and evolve beyond everything else, if you overcome this nothing will be able to stop you." Izaya said excitedly and Mikado's eyes widened.

"Do you think so?" He asked surprised. Could he do that? But how could he ever overcome this?

"Of course it will take time. You went through something truly traumatic but I believe could grow considerably from this." Izaya nodded with a confident smile. "Plus, don't you think this is an unbreakable bond of sorts?"

Mikado blinked, confused. An unbreakable bond? Between who? Them? Izaya chuckled at the teen's obvious confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we'll share this secret together until we die. It will be something that binds us together. I know your terrible secret and you know mine." Izaya leaned in close to Mikado, a smirk playing on his lips. "There's now a bond between us that no one else has." Izaya breathed his eyes flashing in a way that made Mikado gulp.

He looked away from the man's intense gaze and shook his head. "You know…Izaya-san, you never said what you wanted from me as payment this." the teen said nervously, he knew Izaya could demand anything of him and he wouldn't be able to refuse.

"Hm~" Izaya backed away a bit, tapping his lips thoughtfully. "Well, seeming I saved your life, I think you should give me it." He smirked cheerfully.

"W-what?" Mikado stuttered unsurely. Izaya had saved his life? It was kind of true, he saved Mikado's life as he knew it. He'd be able to live free because of the informant but what did he mean when he wanted his life? Did he want to kill him? What was the point of that?

"Everything you are and everything you will ever be should be loyal to me." Izaya reached out and lifted Mikado's chin so the teen looked deep into his eyes. "Of course, I don't want a slave, well, not completely~ that would be boring but I do want you to serve me. In  _every_  sense of the word." Izaya's eyes flashed like a predator looking at its prey and Mikado shivered.

"Y-you want me to be…loyal to you?" Mikado murmured frowning slightly in confusion. "Does that include in this war?" he asked quietly, if he had to be loyal to Izaya then we have to abandon everyone else.

"Not really~" Izaya hummed letting go of the teen's chin and walking to his shoji board on the nearby table. "I want you to continue on your own path, I don't want to control you per say." The man explained with a smile.

Mikado frowned trying to make sense of what Izaya as trying to say and then it hit him. What Izaya wanted was a companion, someone by his side willingly. Someone who was his ally but wasn't a mindless follower or someone plotting something.

"I see." Mikado nodded not voicing his realisation aloud, he wanted to hate the idea of staying by Izaya's side but he didn't. He didn't hate Izaya. If anything they liked each other. There was some sort of understanding between the two of them. An appreciation and respect for one another. "That doesn't sound too bad. I'll still have my free will won't I?" Mikado faced the man honestly and Izaya nodded, seeming quite pleased.

"Of course~" he promised cheerfully.

Yes, Mikado could live with a deal like that.

* * *

Night time fell and they climbed into the Land Cruiser. It was silent in the car as they drove to the abandoned building, there was really nothing to say. Mikado felt empty as he looked up at the abandoned building, his guts churning. Aoba's body was in there, it had been there for quite some time, where he had felt it. Mikado felt sick as he climbed out of the car and watched Izaya pull a large suitcase out of the trunk.

"Come on, let's get this over and done with." Izaya said surprisingly somber and Mikado nodded. He followed the informant up the stairs and down the hall.

He felt cold, so cold and scared. He knew once he entered the room he'd see Aoba's body, he'd see what he'd done. Izaya used the flashlight on his phone to light the way, they stopped when they were outside of the room.

"Alright." Izaya opened the suitcase, taking out two pairs of heavy-duty gloves and some aprons. He gave one of each to Mikado. "Keep yourself together, alright?" he looked at Mikado sternly and the teen nodded, not trusting his voice. They both put on their protection and entered the room.

Mikado could feel his blood run cold as he laid eyes on Aoba. Tears stung in his eyes as he stared at the young teen's body. It looked the same as he remembered, the only difference was how pale Aoba was. He was completely white, there was no colour in him at all.

Izaya completely unzipped the suitcase drawing Mikado's attention away from the dead teenager on the bed. The man looked up at him and Mikado nodded, he had to pull it together. They walked over to Aoba and Izaya frowned.

"Rigor mortis has set in." he murmured quietly and Mikado stiffened, looking at him.

"What do we do?" he asked emotionlessly and Izaya grimaced.

"I looked on the dark web for this just in case so I know how to unlock the muscles…" he trailed off, almost sounded uncertain. Mikado couldn't blame him, who would want to massage a dead body?

"How about you do one limb and I do the other?" he said and Izaya nodded. Mikado swallowed as he took hold of Aoba's thigh, he tried not to think about how his skin had been warm and alive on top of him the night before as he copied Izaya's movements, unlocking the muscles so they could move his legs.

"We have to move quickly." Izaya told him moving right to Aoba's arms and Mikado nodded, copying the older man once again. Soon the dead teen could be moved easily and Mikado grabbed a hold of Aoba's ankles, trying not to look at anything, not his body and especially not what was left of his face.

They carried the body over to the suitcase, tucking it in the fetal position so it fit. Mikado stared at Aoba for a moment and he found himself thinking that he was kind of glad the younger teen's face was unrecognizable because if it wasn't, Mikado surely would have fallen apart seeing that child-like face on the body when it was curled up like it was.

"Mikado." Izaya said breaking the teen out of his thoughts. "Gather everything up and put it in the suitcase." The man said picking up the chunk of concrete that was the murder weapon, Mikado gave a curt nod and picked up the remaining clothes from the corner.

He watched as Izaya placed the rock in the suitcase and Mikado placed the clothes over Aoba's ruined face, covering the gruesome sight. Izaya carefully put the needle in space between Aoba's arms and legs. Aoba's clothes Mikado had worn the night before were in the bottom of the suitcase - put there by Izaya earlier.

Mikado watched as Izaya closed the suitcase but didn't zip it up just yet. Mikado closed his eyes, apologizing silently to Aoba's family and friends.

"What about the mattress?" Mikado asked concerned looking at the blood-soaked bed. Izaya sighed studying it with a somber expression.

"I brought cleaning supplies but I don't know if it will do any good. I suggest we just turn the mattress over and clean up the spatter. It's an abandoned building so anyone who comes here is either one: up to no good, two: homeless or three: coming here for fun and I seriously doubt any of those people would bother lifting up a mattress and inspecting the other side." Izaya pointed out. Mikado nodded.

They flipped the mattress and cleaned up the spattered blood as best as they could in the light of Izaya's phone. They scrubbed for a while, hoping to get it all. Once they were done, Izaya kicked some of the various debris on the floor onto the newly cleaned area, making it dirty again so it wouldn't be so obvious it had been cleaned.

"Alright." Izaya carefully took off his apron, making sure not to touch his clothes. Both Mikado had Izaya were wearing the black clothes the man had gotten from the department store so blood wouldn't show up easily but it was still best to avoid getting it on them. Mikado felt like a robot as he took off his apron and gloves, putting them in the suitcase on top of Aoba's body.

He stared at it. Just stared at it until Izaya had placed his stuff on top of Aoba like Mikado had and closed the suitcase, zipping it up completely. It was disturbing how normal it looked when it was zipped up. No one would guess there was the body of a sixteen-year-old boy in there.

"Mikado, are you alright?" Izaya asked concerned and Mikado shook his head.

"As much as I can be." He said quietly and Izaya offered him a sad smile and a nod before picking up the suitcase.

"How long do you think it will be before they report him missing?" Mikado asked quietly as started to leave, he glanced back at the room one more time, tears once again stinging his eyes as they formed.

"I'm not sure. The police will probably suspect he ran away as they do with most missing teens." Izaya said as they walked down the hall, the sound of the suitcase rolling behind them filled the empty building.

"Well, if they think he ran away then at least they can imagine him still alive." Mikado commented as they downed the stairs, Izaya nodded. Perhaps Aoba's parents will think he ran away, that he's happy elsewhere. Mikado sighed as they reached the car and he helped Izaya lift the suitcase into the trunk.

"So, what now?" Mikado asked looking up at the older male who smiled and shrugged as if he didn't know.

"Now, we drive." He said twirling the keys in his hand and Mikado frowned. God, he hoped Izaya knew what he was doing for both of their sakes.

They climbed into the car and as they drove away, Mikado couldn't help but look back. He knew this building would be scarred into his mind forever. He'd never forget it, he'd never forget what happened and he'd never forget what he did.

A warm hand on his knee made him turn back around. Izaya had rested in hand on the teen's knee. Mikado smiled gratefully, knowing it was a comforting gesture. He looked over at the older man whose eyes were focused solely on the road as he drove.

"Thank you Izaya-san…for everything." Mikado murmured placing his hand over the informant's, Izaya glanced at him, a smile on his lips.

"It's not like I'm doing it for free. I think the price is quite steep don't you think Mikado?" the man squeezed the teen's knee despite his words and Mikado looked down at their hands.

"Maybe, but it's a price worth paying." Mikado gave a small smile and Izaya looked at him again, only briefly before looking back at the road. Neither of them moved their hands as Izaya got onto the freeway and started driving north. Mikado looked out the window, watching the world speed by.

Izaya's price was a lot better than the alternative one in Mikado's point of view. He could be Izaya's companion for life and continue living as he did or spend life in prison rotting away, scorned by everyone he ever knew.

Yes… Izaya's price was much better.


	4. An Unfortunate Run-in.

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya drove.

God, did he drive.

Hours passed as he drove the Land Cruiser North towards the top of Japan. He felt tired, so tired but he had no choice but to keep on driving. Beside him, Mikado was asleep, lulled by the passing of the world. Izaya felt jealous, he'd been driving for five hours now and it was around five in the morning.

It was still dark as the sun hadn't yet risen. Izaya yawned and kept his eyes on the road. Only two more hours and they would be at their destination. A sign on the side of the road made him blink, it was for a twenty-four-hour service station – perfect. He needed a pick me up. He pulled off the freeway and into the almost empty service station.

He looked at Mikado as he turned off the car. Should he wake him up? The teen was sleeping so slowly but what if he woke up and wanted something? Izaya decided to bite the bullet and gently shake Mikado awake.

"Hey, wake up." He said gently and the teen's eyelashes fluttered and his eyes opened slightly. "We stopped. Do you need anything?" he asked and the sleepy teen yawned, waking up a bit more. Izaya chuckled at the dopey looking teen.

"Water…" Mikado licked his lips and Izaya nodded.

"Do you need to go to the toilet?" He asked opening his car door and Mikado seemed to think about it before nodded. Izaya shook his head with a smile.

"Okay, wake up a bit before you go alright?" he told the teen who nodded before he climbed out of the car and into the store. He gave the tired looking worker a nod, a polite greeting between the two of them.

Izaya brought a few bottles of water as well as a black coffee before returning to the car which was empty. He stood there, drinking his coffee waiting for Mikado to return.

He really needed a break, even for five minutes. He took in the fresh air and surveyed the carpark around the store.

There were few cars parked apart and Izaya found himself wondering if people were sleeping in them. They were probably on real road trips, happily exploring the north of Japan.

He wasn't doing that, no.

There was a dead body of a sixteen-year-old boy in the trunk of his car.

Izaya shook his head to try and rid himself of any thoughts of Aoba and sipped his coffee. It was fairly decent for a service station. Izaya paced in front of the four-wheel drive, stretching his legs.

Where had Mikado gone? He'd been outside for a few minutes now, if he'd gone to the toilet then he should be back by now.

Izaya sighed looking in the direction of the toilets with a frown. Soon Mikado appeared looking nervous. "What's wrong?" he asked the teen who almost looked frightened.

"There's a group of shady guys hanging out in front of the toilets, I couldn't go." Mikado looked at his feet and Izaya sighed. That wouldn't an unusual thing, thugs run around bathrooms all the time to found people in and mug them. With all Mikado had been through he couldn't blame the teen for being cautious

"I see. Well, I need to go too so just follow me." Izaya said setting his half-empty coffee on the hood of the car. Mikado nodded and followed closely after Izaya as he walked confidently to the bathrooms. His red eyes narrowed as he saw three men smoking near the door, they were older than Izaya, probably in their early thirties.

He could see why Mikado had been scared, they were all tall and muscular with a threatening air. But Izaya dealt with men like this all the time, they reminded of him low ranking yakuza members. Mikado was basically stepping on his heels as they reached the door to the men's bathrooms.

The opened the door for Mikado letting him go in first, he was well aware of the men watching him as he entered the bathroom himself. Mikado had shut himself in one of the cubicles, either he was still scared or he wanted a moment alone.

Izaya had barely locked his own cubicle before the three men from outside came into the bathroom. They were talking loudly and laughing as Izaya finished. The informant pat the pocket of his black hoodie, making sure his trusty knife was inside before flushing the toilet and stepping into the open room.

He walked over to the sink, completely ignoring the three men as they eyed him. The man who Izaya guess was the leader made his move first. As Izaya turned towards the door he stepped directly in front of him.

"May I help you?" he asked nonchalantly and the man stared down at him with a feral look on his face.

"Yes, I think you can." The man pulled out a pocket knife from his jacket. "You can give us all your money."

Izaya sighed almost as if he was bored. "Listen, I've been driving for five hours and I'm in kind of a bad mood so can you just back off and save me the trouble of dealing with you that would be great." Izaya smirked slipping his hand into his pocket to grab his knife.

The men around him laughed, apparently finding what he said highly amusing. Izaya sighed and made his move.

Too quick to be considered human he sliced the man in front of him, the man blinked confused and touched his chest. His shirt was ripped and the deep cut bled profusely. Izaya spun his knife in his hand with a cold smirk on his face.

"I did warn you." He sneered pointing his knife at the men.

"You little shit!" the man lunged at the informant who quickly dodged making the man stumble and fall into the urinal. Izaya snickered at the mortified look on his face.

The other two men charged at Izaya with a furious roar and his knife sliced again, this time shaving half of the of the men's head. A black ponytail dropped to the ground and the guy touched his head in horror.

The other man had missed Izaya completely, slamming face first into the wall and knocking himself out.

"Morons. Mikado, you can come out when you're ready." he called to the teen and only seconds later the toilet flushed and the boy appeared. His blue eyes swept over the scene and a frown formed on his face.

"Let's hurry up and get out of here. It's not good to draw attention to ourselves." He murmured hurriedly washing his hands and Izaya sighed. An interesting reaction would have been nice but he would take what he could get.

They climbed into the car again and headed off. "How long is until we get there?" Mikado asked opening one of the bottles of water Izaya had brought. Izaya focused on the road as he spoke.

"It's less than two hours." Izaya supplied and Mikado nodded. There was a moment of silence before the teen spoke up again.

"You…you still haven't told me what your plan is." Mikado murmured and Izaya glanced over at him, the teen looked conflicted and hurt. He was probably thinking about Aoba again, which was something Izaya didn't want him to do.

"Well, we're heading to a campsite that was abandoned some time ago. We're going to set up the tent and I'm going to get some sleep." Izaya said he could feel his eyes growing tired.

"Seriously?" Mikado frowned and Izaya looked at him, almost glaring.

"I've pulled two all-nighters, Mikado. I need to sleep. Being tired will only lead to mistakes." He growled annoyed at the teen who averted his eyes.

"Right. Sorry." Mikado mumbled playing with the hem of his hoodies. Izaya sighed and shook his head. Getting angry at the teen wasn't going to do him any good.

"Then we will either make or clean the fire pit – I'm not certain of its condition. We'll gather firewood and when night time comes, we're going to torch the suitcase." He told the teen who bit his lip, Izaya reached across and put a comforting hand on the teen's thigh.

"We're going to let it burn all night until just before sunrise, then we'll put it out and put the ashes in garbage bags. I'll go one way and you'll go the other and we will dump them all around the forest. Spread out so they'll be impossible to find." Izaya explained getting off the freeway.

Mikado grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. He was nervous and scared but Izaya couldn't blame him. Not even Izaya had killed someone with his own two hands, sure, people died in result of his words, actions, even request but never by this own hand. Mikado had only come to Ikebukuro a year before, he was only starting to become something truly powerful and now he had blood on his hands.

Izaya truly believed that Mikado shouldn't feel guilty because he'd done it out of self-defense. Izaya knew that the teen probably left ashamed that he fell prey to someone as a whole, let alone someone like Kuronuma Aoba.

Mikado had also mentioned that he had pretended to 'fucked him like I liked it' which sounded disturbing but once again Izaya saw it as a survival tactic and not something to be guilty of.

If Mikado could never shake off that feeling of displaced guilt then… Izaya would happily help him shoulder it.

It didn't take much longer for them to get to their destination. The road to the campsite was almost completely grown over with grass and brush but they managed to get there. Izaya sighed as he turned off the car and got out. The ground was overgrown with grass but there was still a decent clearing, he had seen photos of what it had looked like before, smooth gravel ground with barely any growth on it.

Mikado climbed out of the car too, looking around at the trees surrounding them. He squatted again a bug that threatened to fly into his mouth and looked up at the sky. Izaya followed suit, looking upwards. It was just after seven- thirty in the morning and the sky was becoming lighter by the second.

"Let's get this tent set up." Izaya said looking up at it. He reached up and unclipped the cover, pulling it off the tent. It was a fairly easy process once he pulled down the ladder, he found all he had to do was secure and clip things in their rightful place.

He looked up at the tent feeling accomplished. "Good job." Mikado commented as he admired the man's handiwork. Izaya got the bedding from the back seat and placed it on the camper mattress with a grateful sigh. He kicked off his shoes letting them fall to the ground to which Mikado frowned and picked them up.

"Don't do that, there could be snakes or spiders." Mikado scolded him but Izaya only laughed, he pulled off his all his clothes apart from his underwear, putting them aside. He flopped down on the mattress with a sigh.

Finally, he could sleep.

A few minutes passed and he opened his eyes. "Mikado?" he climbed over to the opening. What was that boy doing? Mikado soon appeared in his view, looking up at him curiously. "Aren't you coming to bed?"

Something flashed in Mikado's eyes. Fear, panic, and shame. Izaya's stomach dropped slightly as the teen averted his gaze. "Mikado…come on, you need to rest. I'm not going to do anything." Izaya said gently and Mikado bit his lip.

"Have I ever hurt you, Mikado?" Izaya asked pointedly and Mikado hesitated before shaking his head. "Exactly, that won't change. Just get up here, there's plenty of room." Izaya said and the Mikado sighed before taking off his shoes and climbing up.

Izaya locked the car with the keys and laid down. Mikado zipped up the door and laid down too, about an arm's length away from Izaya. The man didn't care, he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep as the sound of cicadas filled the forest.


	5. Burning Feelings

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

_"Um, excuse me! Are you Ryugamine-sempai?"_

_"I was so surprised to hear your introduction! It really is you!"_

_"I don't really know all that much about Ikebukuro. Can you show me around the city?"_

_"Eh, Mikado-sempai?"_

_"I want you to become the next leader of the Blue Squares."_

_"Mikado-sempai~!"_

_"Hey, Mikado-sempai-"_

_"Wait for me Mikado-sempai!"_

_"Ah~ you're so big and hot sempai!"_

_"Ah! Sempai!"_

_"I love you, Mikado-sempai."_

_"I love you!"_

Mikado woke from his dream with a start, sitting up in shock. Shallow pants escaped his lips as he sat there for a moment coming to terms with the world around him. Once his breathing was calm he looked at his hands, feeling tears trail down his cheeks.

"What a horrible dream…" he hiccupped though it wasn't a dream, more of a slideshow of memories, his memories of Aoba. They hurt, they hurt so much. His heart burned as he pictures the boy's smiling face.

He'd really killed him.

Just below the tent he was in, was a suitcase with his body in it. Mikado knew that Aoba was no saint, he had kidnapped and raped him but it didn't stop the guilt that had been haunting him ever since.

What if's had been torturing him. What if he had done nothing and just let Aoba do what he wanted? What if he'd knocked the boy off him and ran? What if he'd only hit the teen once and ran away? What if Aoba had been able to confess before? Would he have gone that far?

Mikado shook his head and wiped away his tears. It was no use thinking about such things, Mikado knew that. Nothing would bring Aoba back from the dead. Mikado would just have to dispose of his body, he wasn't selfless enough to throw away his life willingly for Aoba.

As he looked around at the tent, admiring it he realised that Izaya was no longer there. If Mikado listened carefully he could hear someone shoveling dirt. That's right, they had to prepare, didn't they? Mikado climbed out of the rooftop tent and put on his shoes before walking over to Izaya.

The man was dressed in a pair of shorts and a singlet, droplets of sweat were dripping down his face as he dug into the ground. He looked up at Mikado when he saw him and smiled.

"Morning." He greeted wiping his forehead with his hand. Mikado managed to smile back though he was sure his eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"Morning. How long have you been awake?" the teen asked looking around, Izaya had set every up rather nicely near the car, there were two canvas camper chairs just next to the ladder to the tent, the back door of the car was open, revealing the rest of their supplies like a large cupboard.

"I work up around eleven, it's twelve-thirty now." The man said checking his phone. Mikado looked surprised, he'd slept that much? Izaya stabbed the shovel into the ground and walked towards him. "How are you feeling?" he asked grabbing a rag from the back seat and wiping his face and hands.

"I'm fine." Mikado replied but he knew Izaya wasn't convinced by the way his eyebrows furrowed. The teen was grateful for Izaya, he could have easily refused to help him and saved himself the trouble but he didn't. Mikado sat down on one of the chairs and Izaya followed suit.

"You know, you can say if you're not alright." Izaya supplied, "I would appreciate your honesty more than your weak lies."

Mikado didn't say anything more a minute. What was the harm? He'd already agreed to stay by the informant's side for the rest of his life, did he really want to spend forever hiding it from someone he didn't need to hide from? Izaya was the only person in the world that he'd ever be able to talk about Aoba with.

"I had a dream. Well, it was more like memories…" Mikado brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. "He was so nice when we first met, I remember thinking that he reminded me of Masaomi…" he gave the man a pained smile. "It just suddenly came rushing back, every little memory I have of Aoba-kun…" he whispered closing his eyes as his heart squeezed painfully.

"I know he was no saint, if anything he was quite the opposite but all these 'what if's' keep circling in my mind and I know they're useless to think about. I can't change what happened by thinking about it but I can't stop." Mikado rambled his pace getting quicker and quicker as he got to the end.

"Mikado…" Izaya murmured softly and the teen looked up at him, stunned by the emotion in his red eyes. "You can't blame yourself. You were in fight or flight mode. You were scared, you were panicked. So you can't torture yourself with 'what if's' because you did what you could at that moment." Izaya said seriously, his eyes locked on Mikado's.

The teen looked at his hands. Izaya was right, of course, Izaya was right.

"You have to get over this, that's a fact but you can't expect it to happen overnight." the informant rubbed the teen's shoulder in an effort to comfort him. "You're not doing it alone either, I'm here. We can carry this together, this guilt and this pain, you'll be alright." The man smiled and Mikado stared at him stunned.

It was almost strangely romantic, what Izaya had said. The teen felt touched and he nodded with a glimmer of a smile on his face. He didn't have to face it alone, Izaya was there, helping him.

Sure, Izaya had a price but it wasn't nearly as bad as the informant thought it was. Mikado was fine with staying by Izaya's side as long as he had his free will.

If Izaya had ordered him to be his slave or his bitch or something it could have been different but that wasn't what the man had asked for. Mikado wanted to pay Izaya back for his help, for everything he had done. He'd be loyal to Izaya, he swore to himself silently. Because Izaya was the only reason he was able to continue living like a decent human being.

"Come on, I'll finish digging this stupid hole. Can you collect some sticks and stuff for the fire?" Izaya patted the top of his head and stood up. Mikado looked up at the gentle expression on Izaya's face and blinked.

"Uh, yeah." He nodded and Izaya turned away, picking up the shovel and continuing to make the fire pit.

Mikado stood up himself, looking around for sticks and branches. He focused entirely on the task at hand. He didn't think about what the fire was for, he didn't think about what he'd done, he just kept his mind completely blank as he collected firewood into his arms. He kept going until he could carry no more and returned to the campsite.

To his surprise, Izaya had finished the fire pit completely, it was rather big. The grass around it had been scraped away leaving grey gravel. Izaya was sitting on one of the chairs drinking a bottle of water completely shirtless, a towel draped around his neck. He looked up when Mikado approached. "There you are, I was going to start looking for you." He gave a wry smile.

Mikado blinked and put the wood he had collected next to the fire pit. "Really why?" the teen asked wiping his hands on his jeans.

"Mikado, you were gone for two hours."

"What!?" Mikado looked at the man in shock, his blue eyes widening. How was that possible? It left like it had only been about fifteen minutes. "No way." He shook his head not believing in but Izaya made a point of showing the teen his phone.

It was almost three in the afternoon.

"I didn't even notice…" the teen mumbled his brow furrowing and Izaya sighed.

"It doesn't matter. You're here now and nothing happened to you." Izaya said tiredly. "We should relax and try and eat something before nightfall comes." He gestured to the bag of food next to his chair.

"I'm not really hungry." Mikado interjected as he walked over the chair.

"Neither am I but we didn't eat anything yesterday so we have too." The man commented handing the teen a bottle of water and some fruit. "Just do your best. The last thing either of us needs is to run out of strength." The informant said biting into his apple.

Mikado looked down at the pieces of fruit in his lap, an apple, banana, and pear. He picked up the pear and stared at it uncertainly, his stomach churned at the thought of eating but he forced himself to take a bite. And then another and another until the pear was gone. He stared at the core of the fruit with tired eyes and relaxed back into his chair.

* * *

There was a somber silence throughout the campsite as night fell. The two sat in silence until it was completely dark, Izaya was the first one to speak, clearing his throat. "We…should get started." He said quietly.

Mikado nodded clenching his jaw. The light of the lantern Izaya had brought dimly lit the campsite. Mikado walked over to the fire pit, placing the sticks and branches he'd gathered into it. The teen watched with empty eyes as Izaya opened the trunk and pulled out a petrol canister and a plastic bag of matches.

"Can you take these?" he asked, the teen who nodded and took the items while Izaya grabbed the suitcase that held Aoba's body. "Alright, so what we're going to do is put this in the fire pit, douse it in petrol and set it alight. From what I read it will take a few hours for the body to be completely cremated." Izaya said with an almost automatic voice.

Pain shot through Mikado's chest as he watched the older man place the suitcase in the fire pit among the sticks and branches. Mikado picked up the petrol canister with trembling hands. He was really going to do this, he was going to burn Aoba's body.

"Mikado, I can do that." Izaya said softly watching the teen in concern and Mikado shook his head.

"No, let me do it." Mikado said sternly as he unscrewed the cap. He looked down at the suitcase, it was Aoba's coffin. He tried to tell himself there was no other choice, he tried to tell himself that it was for the best and the heavy feeling of guilt wouldn't go away as his stomach churned.

Mikado swallowed and poured the petrol over the suitcase, soaking it completely with the highly flammable liquid. His hand trembled and tears formed in his eyes but he didn't stop until the canister was completely empty. He looked up at Izaya who looked at him with a somber expression, his red eyes dark.

"I'll light it." The teen said his voice surprisingly steady despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. Izaya shook his head.

"We'll do it together. Remember what I said Mikado, we share this feeling. We'll carry it together." He said lighting a match before handing the box to Mikado who also lit one. Mikado's free hand clenched into his fist as he looked at the suitcase, his bottom lip trembling.

"On the count of three. Ready?" the older man said and Mikado nodded.

"One." Mikado started.

"Two." Izaya said.

"Three" the matches dropped at the same time, falling onto the suitcase which immediately caught on fire but as that happened the fire leaped up, burning their hands.

"Uggh!" Mikado screamed pulling his hand to his chest in shock and pain.

"Agh!" Izaya cried doing the same, falling to his knees. "F-fuck!"

Mikado looked at his hand through blurry eyes. It was already red, it felt like it was on fire even though he'd pulled away. The bandage on his wrist that Izaya had only changed a few hours earlier had also caught on fire badly burning his already injured wrist. He looked at the fire before him, at that burning suitcase and let out a choked laugh that made Izaya look at him in alarm.

"I guess…I guess this is his revenge." The teen choked out through broken sobs also collapsing onto his knees. "This is karma…haha" the teen trembled looking at his hand which was rapidly turning a darker shade of red, some parts were burnt so badly they were charred black.

Mikado let himself be pulled to Izaya's chest as the man wrapped his uninjured arm around the sobbing teen. Mikado clung to the man's shirt, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Perhaps this is our punishment." Izaya admitted softly resting his chin on the teen's head.

Mikado pressed his face into Izaya's chest even more. The man held him close, there wasn't much else he could do. Mikado's tears slowed after several minutes and his sobs turned into hiccups.

"Mikado…" Izaya whispered softly and the teen looked up at him, the man's eyes were free of tears but there was a deeply pained look in his eyes, one that was hauntingly breathtaking.

"We need to tend to these wounds." The man murmured helping the teen to his feet. Mikado looked at Izaya's hand, it was just as red and raw as his own. It made Mikado remember his own injury, the fiery burning feeling was unbearably painful.

It was his punishment for setting Aoba's body on fire.

As Izaya pulled the first-aid kit and two water bottles from the car. Mikado tried hard to ignore the awful smell coming from the campfire. It smelt like a mixture of different meats burning - beef, pork, and liver. Worse of all it smelt of blood, human blood. And on top of it all was a disturbingly musky scent mingling in with everything else.

The older man poured water over this own burn before doing the same for Mikado but it offered little relief, the water was warm. Izaya threw the water bottles away and Mikado looked up at him with worried eyes.

"Izaya-" he started but was cut off.

"I think these are second-degree burns but they're not far from reaching the third layer." The man said grabbing a tube of gel from the first aid kit. He squeezed some into the teen's uninjured hand.

"Rub it gently over the burns." He ordered and Mikado complied, he hissed when the antiseptic cream touched his burnt flesh, it was such a relief as the gel had a cooling effect but it didn't last long before his skin heated the gel up.

"I'm so sorry Izaya-san." The teen whispered as he watched the informant rub cream into his own hand. Izaya looked confused and opened his mouth to speak but Mikado cut him off.

"Your hand…it's ruined because of me." Tears formed in his eyes again as he remembered that Izaya's hands are his survival, they were the hands they controlled his knives which he so heavily relied on.

"T-this is all my fault." Mikado whispered as Izaya loosely wrapped a gauze around his hand and up his arm.

"No, it's not your fault." Izaya insisted as he picked up another gauze but Mikado took it from him, carefully wrapping it around the older man's hand like had done for him. "None of this is your fault." Izaya spoke again when Mikado was done.

Mikado stared at their hands, both of their dominant hands were burnt. It was like a mirror image, Mikado's right hand and Izaya's left.

Aoba had gotten his final word, it was like he'd done it. Perhaps they weren't being considerate enough, Mikado did pour over a litre of petrol on the suitcase before they lit it on fire. But somehow it felt as Aoba had done it, perhaps out of revenge, perhaps so they would never forget what they'd done.

"Mikado?" Izaya called him out of his thoughts and gently grabbed his bandaged in is, the touch was light like a feather so it brought him no pain. Mikado looked up at the older man who gave him a wry smile.

"It's okay. It's just proof that we're in this together. Like a contract that binds us together." Izaya said softly and Mikado looked down at their hands.

A sob escaped his throat as tears started falling once again. There were just so many emotions swirling inside him. Guilt, anger, sadness, regret, so many heavy and dark feelings it felt as if was being ripped apart. He trembled and clenched jaw trying to hold back his sobs.

But it was no use, Izaya could see through him as if he was made of glass. Izaya lifted his chin with his hand and Mikado looked into the man eyes which were also filled with turmoil. He couldn't say anything, he couldn't do anything.

He closed his eyes to escape those red eyes. But they flew open when something soft met his lips. Izaya had kissed him, those red eyes were still burning into his as those familiar lips moved against his.

His tears flowed faster as more emotions joined the storm inside him -

Fear and shame.


	6. A Welcome Distraction

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya didn't know what to do as Mikado all but fell apart in front of him.

The teen sobbed, tears rolling down his face as he avoided looking at the informant. Izaya looked down at their hands. Even though Mikado had started crying, he hadn't pulled his hand away from Izaya's.

Izaya reached forward and lifted the teen's chin so he could look into his eyes. His blue eye were like the sea on a stormy night, swirling with painful emotions.

What could he do to take Mikado's mind off things? How could he distract him from the obvious pain he was in?

Izaya did the first thing he thought of and leaned forward, kissing Mikado on the lips. He didn't close his eyes, he watched as Mikado's blue eyes widened and stared at him in shocks as his lips moved against the teen's in a kiss that was wet and salty from tears.

He felt a faint push on his chest and pulled back. "Y-you can't do that." Mikado trembled looking up at Izaya in a way that made his heart stop.

Izaya frowned before sighing. Perhaps it wasn't the best thing to do, kiss someone who had been sexually assaulted but he hadn't known what else to do.

Just how traumatized was Mikado? Izaya was kind of scared to find out but it was something he had to know for both their sakes.

"Why no-mff!?" Izaya tried to ask but was cut off by Mikado reaching up and rubbing his lips with the sleeve of his hoodie. Izaya was confused and he gently stopped the teen's hands.

"Mikado, what are you doing?" he asked concerned by the almost panicked expression on Mikado's face.

The teen avoided his eyes and looked at the ground. "I-it's…bad…" he whispered and Izaya frowned deeply.

"What's bad? Do you not want me to kiss you?" Izaya asked getting right to the point. If the teen didn't want to be kissed he wouldn't push it but he had to know. Mikado shook his head, his tears slowing once again.

"It's not like that…but…after what happened…" Mikado trembled, Izaya could feel him shaking from the grip he had on the teen's arm. Izaya considered what he'd said for a moment before coming to a realisation.

Victims of sexual assault often felt dirty afterward, they felt unworthy and violated. The teen was probably thinking that Izaya would become dirty if he touched him. Izaya didn't think less of the teen or his body because of what happened, he didn't think Mikado was dirty not was unworthy of being touched.

"Mikado…" Izaya said softly touching the side of his face, the teen looked up at him with sorrowful blue eyes. "I understand if you don't want me to touch you but if you're thinking you're dirty or something because of what that guy did to you - you're wrong." He said determined to make a point.

Mikado's eyes widened as his words before he shook his head. "You're just saying that." He murmured averting his eyes to the side. Izaya shook his head and leaned closer to the teen.

"It's not. Whatever he did to you, whatever happened doesn't change who you are, it doesn't change how I think about you either." Izaya swore, resting his forehead on the teen's in a comforting gesture.

"D-do you really mean that?" Mikado stuttered and Izaya pulled away just enough to look into his eyes.

"Of course." Izaya smiled.

"Then you would have sex with me then… after all this?" the teen gestured his injured hand around. His words were almost like a challenge but for Izaya, it was nothing but a simple question.

"Yes, I would." Izaya said truthfully, his words were steady and almost like a promise. Mikado looked at him, his eyes searching the man's before he looked down. Mikado's shoulders were shaking as his hand gripped at Izaya's shirt.

"T-then…would you do it now." Mikado whispered shakily and Izaya's eyes widen in surprise.

"You mean right now?" he asked uncertainly and Mikado nodded. Izaya considered this for a moment. The teen was no doubt looking for a distraction, something to keep his mind empty and free from whatever thoughts were haunting him.

Izaya leaned down and pressed his lips into Mikado's again but this time, the teen kissed him back. He pulled back keeping the kiss short. "If that's what you want." He agreed with a smile. Mikado grabbed his wrist and tugged him towards the rooftop tent.

Izaya followed happily but as he did he couldn't help glance back at the fire burning behind them. Anyone would consider it strange, they were burning a body and now they were going to have sex. He looked back at Mikado and blinked. While he had been looked back the fire, the teen had started undressing. His black hoodie was on the ground along with his shoes.

Izaya watched transfixed as Mikado pulled off his shirt. There was a slight shake of his shoulder and a look of fear in his eyes. Izaya guessed it was the fear of being exposed after what had happened, he was feeling vulnerable. The teen froze at the button of his jeans and he stared at the ground.

"Mikado…" Izaya murmured soothingly, "Look at me." The teen looked at him, there were still stray tears rolling down his cheeks, he looked like a deer in headlights. "We don't have to do this if you're not ready."

Mikado shook his head. "I want to do it." He said his voice surprisingly determined, keeping his eyes on Izaya as he undone his jeans and pulled them off, kicking them to the side. "You were telling the truth when you said you would never hurt me right?" the teen said his voice steady.

Izaya realised that Mikado was putting his trust in him. He was exposing himself and trusting Izaya to treat him right. It was probably the only bit of trust the teen had left. Izaya felt privileged that the teen would give it to him. Izaya didn't plan to ruin it, the deal he'd made with Mikado meant staying close to one another for a long time and he'd rather not have Mikado hate him.

"I was telling the truth." Izaya promised his red eyes narrowing as he saw the marks on Mikado's body. They must have appeared overnight. There were faint kiss marks on his neck and a rather nasty scratch down his torso obviously from fingernails.

Izaya undressed too, leaving his underwear on like Mikado had. The teen turned and climbed the ladder into the tent without a word and the man followed him.

Once inside Izaya gently kissed Mikado, still without a word. Their lips moved in sync and Mikado opened his mouth to welcome Izaya's tongue.

They moved slowly, unhurriedly tasting one another. Izaya gently climbed more onto the teen, making him lay back on the mattress.

Tears still escaped Mikado's eyes like an endless stream but they were few and far between as their bodies rubbed against each other.

They pulled away from the kiss and Mikado stared up at him breathlessly. The teen loosely wrapped his arms around the man's shoulder's as Izaya's lips mouth down his neck, Izaya sucked and nibbled on the kiss marks there, covering them up with his own.

"Nn" Mikado quietly moaned as Izaya sucked on a particularly sensitive patch of skin.

The man ran his hands down the teen's side, enjoying the small bumps of his ribs and hips before they reached the waistband of the teen's underwear.

Mikado's fingers dug into his back and the teen gasped as Izaya traced just above the band, he pulled away from Mikado's neck to admire his handiwork and the teen's face. Mikado's eyes were still stormy with emotions but he didn't seem scared of Izaya's touch which was a good thing.

Izaya slipped his uninjured hand into the teen's underwear and wrapped his hand around his mostly limp penis.

"Ah-!" Mikado gave a breathless gasp as Izaya started stroking.

They kissed again, a bit more passionate than before. Mikado slid his own hand into Izaya's underwear, mimicking the older male's actions until they were both hard.

Izaya carefully pulled the teen's underwear off, admiring his naked body. He took hold of the teen's erection, rubbing the slit with his thumb, smearing precum over the tip.

"Ah! Izaya!" Mikado trembled at the feeling. Izaya smirked slightly, he'd always loved the teen's voice when they did stuff like this it was so erotic.

They kissed again as Izaya fumbled to find this wallet, he'd shoved in between the tent and the mattress with his clothes from the night before. Once he found it, he pulled away. A string of saliva connected their lips for a moment and they looked into each other's eyes until it broke.

Izaya pulled back from the teen and ripped open the packet of lube with his teeth, pouring the slick liquid over his fingers. He was careful not get it on his gauzed covered hand. He rubbed his fingers together coating the finger evenly.

Mikado looked up at him unsurely. "U-um…" he stuttered nervously and Izaya waited patiently for the flustered teen to get his words together. "I-it might be dirty…y'know…cause I couldn't shower." The teen blushed averting his eyes.

"I don't care." Izaya chuckled lightly and Mikado nodded, shyly opening his legs. It was a new experience. He'd never seen Mikado so timid before, even the first time they had done it had been fast-paced, lust-fuelled.

Izaya slowly circled his finger around the teen's puckered entrance, smearing lube over it. Mikado trembled, breathy moans and gasps escaping his lips. Izaya looked into the teen's eyes to check his reaction once more before sliding his finger into the tight hole.

"Ahh…Izaya…" Mikado moaned, his hands were curled up on his chest as he looked in the direction of Izaya's finger entering him slowly back and forth.

Izaya swallowed feeling his dick twitch at the erotic sight, the teen really was a beautiful partner in bed. Izaya pressed another finger into the teen, working to stretch it out by scissoring his fingers.

"Ah…hah…Izaya." Mikado breathlessly gasping his name was like music to his ears as he added the third and final finger.

The teen reached out for Izaya, wanting to pull him close but it wasn't really possible while the man was fingering him. When he deemed the teen was ready, Izaya withdrew his fingers making Mikado whine quietly at the loss.

Izaya rolled a condom over his erection and Mikado looked at him in surprise. "You're using a condom?" he asked out of breath and Izaya smiled. He'd bothered to use a condom with the teen before, they'd both agreed it felt much better without one.

But now he had two reasons for using one, the first was that he didn't know if Mikado was clean anymore, Aoba could have had something. He really hoped he didn't but he wanted to be safe and the second reason was that they were in the middle of the forest with no running water, Mikado wouldn't be able to clean himself out if Izaya came inside.

"Yeah. It's the best option seeming there's no water." He said not telling the teen the first reason as he feared it would upset him. Mikado blinked and nodded in agreement.

Being mindful of his injured hand, Izaya grabbed the teen's soft thighs, pushing them up he could position himself at the teen's entrance. He glanced at Mikado one last time. The teen nodded and Izaya pushed himself inside, the tight hole was just heavenly as he gritted his teeth as he sunk into that burning heat.

"Ah! Izaya..! hah! Mh!" Mikado moaned as he pushed in the entire length. Izaya gasped as the teen's insides twitched and pulsed around his erection.

He kissed Mikado, resting his arms either side of the teen's head. Mikado wrapped his arms around the man's back making sure they were as close as possible.

Izaya started to move, his thrust were slow almost lazy but it was on purpose. He knew that Mikado didn't want to have sex for the pleasure, he wanted it for the connection, for the feeling of being one with someone. They were doing this purely to comfort one another with their bodies.

Izaya looked into the teen's eyes as he rocked back and forth, enjoying the pleasurable feeling of being inside the teen.

"Ah…Izaya!" Mikado cried writhing under the man in pleasure. Izaya quickened the pace slightly unable to continue with the torturously slow pace.

"Mikado…" he breathed resting his forehead on the teen's. Mikado wrapped one of his legs around the man's hip making it able for him to go deeper, he brushed the teen's good spot with a particularly well-aimed thrust.

"Ahhhn! Izaya!" he shuddered his eyes wet with tears. Izaya kissed the teen again and purposely aimed for that spot over and over again.

"Ah! Izaya!" Mikado moaned, his hot breath brushing over the informant's face. Mikado didn't close his eyes, he kept looking at Izaya. It might have been to keep dreaded memories from his mind or even to give him peace of mind that it really was Izaya on top of him.

"Mikado…" Izaya whispered breathlessly, holding the teen as close as he could. His tongue licked over the harsh bites he'd made on the teen's neck, tasting the salty skin. He could feel himself drawing closer and from the way Mikado's walls were twitching around him, he was close too.

"Ah, Izaya!"

"Mikado…"

"Ah, I-I'm cumming!" Mikado gasped his grip on the older male tightening. Izaya looked at the teen's pleasure-filled expression.

"Ah, me too. Let's do it together." Izaya breathed kissing the teen passionately once more. Mikado's body jolted as he came and he pulled away from the kiss to moan.

"Ahhhn! Izaya!" hot spurts of cum splattered over his chest and Izaya clenched his teeth at the feeling of the teen's walls clamping and twitching wildly around him.

"Hah Mikado!" he grunted coming while still deep inside the teen.

They panted heavily and Izaya collapsed on top of the teenager trying to recover from his orgasm. After a few moments, Izaya felt a gentle hand ran through his sweat-soaked hair. He glanced at Mikado and the teen kissed him, his tongue sliding into his mouth.

Izaya kissed back, closing his eyes to enjoy the feeling. Mikado was the first to pull away.

"Can we do it again?" he murmured breathlessly and Izaya smiled.

"Of course." He'd have to change his condom first. "We can do it as many times as you like."

* * *

Mikado kept him to his word.

Four hours later the teen had passed out after having sex a total of nine times. Izaya felt exhausted, he was glad he'd had a lot of condoms in his wallet. Picking up the ones he'd tied and thrown out of the way while changing them, he climbed out of the tent, zipping it up after him. He was naked but he didn't care, there was no one around and the night was warm.

He did, however, slip on his shoes before heading over to the fire, it was basically just foul smelling ambers now. The only thing left from the suitcase was its metal frame. He was sure that if he really looked he'd find bone fragments but otherwise, Aoba's body was completely cremated.

He sighed and threw the cum filled condoms on the fire, they immediately shriveled up and disappeared into the low flames.

"You really are a piece of work." He told the fire as if it was Kuronuma Aoba himself.

Izaya had hated the boy the first time they met. He felt barely any guilt or sadness for what had happened. In his view, Aoba had got what he deserved and Mikado's actions were perfectly justified.

But he knew that it was different for Mikado. He had been there, he had been friends with Aoba. Well, they were more like colleagues more than actually friends. They had been using each other for their own benefit, they hadn't been loyal to one another nor had they been particularly close.

Izaya kicked some dirt into the fire making it falter. "Piece of shit." the muttered turning away from the dying fire and towards the car, he grabbed a clean pair of underwear from his backpack and a bottle of water before climbing back up the ladder to the tent.

He closed it up and snuggled into bed, Mikado was asleep next to him, the teen's breathing even and soothing. It didn't take long before the exhausted man fell into a deep sleep.

They had another big day tomorrow.


	7. Final Goodbye

**Ryugamine Mikado~**

Mikado groaned as he woke up. He felt groggy and his body ached. He opened his eyes slightly, wanting nothing more than too roll over and go back to sleep but the air was uncomfortably humid, he was already covered in a layer of swear.

The teen sat up rolling his head so his neck would crack. It took a moment for his surroundings to make sense to him. The deafening sound of cicadas, the tent, and his own naked body. He stared down at himself with a blank expression. The scratch that Aoba had inflicted on him was much darker and painful than he remembered, Izaya had dragged his own nails down it to erase it, cover it up.

Mikado touched his neck, the man had covered those marks up too. The teen was grateful, at least he wouldn't be reminded of Aoba when saw them but rather Izaya and that was indeed something to be thankful for.

In fact, the teen was grateful for the whole of the night before. Izaya had kept going even though he seemed to be struggling near the end. Mikado had kept asking for more and he couldn't even remember how many times they'd done it or even when he had fallen asleep.

It was the first time since what happened when he felt free. He didn't have to think about what he'd done or about what had happened to him. He was filled by Izaya until all those haunting emotions went away and now as he sat there, he felt content.

Mikado knew it wasn't over yet though, they still had to scatter the ashes so no one would ever be able to discover Aoba. He climbed over to the flap of the tent and unzipped it. His clothes were gone from the ground below, probably picked up by Izaya.

"Izaya?" he called out cautiously and waited for an answer, it took a few moment but Izaya's face appeared at the bottom of the ladder wearing a singlet and shorts.

"Good morning." The man greeted, he looked rather refreshed and content.

"Can you get me some clothes?" the teen asked, he wasn't shy about being naked in front of Izaya anymore. He'd been nervous last night thinking the man would be disgusted by the evidence of Aoba's assault but he hadn't been, he apparently saw Mikado the same way as before.

"Sure, but you can climb down you know. It's only me here and it will be much easier to get dressed." Izaya smirked before disappeared from the teen's range of sight. Mikado hesitated for a moment, being naked outside in the open seemed a bit embarrassing but Izaya had a point.

Strengthening his resolve by telling himself they were in the middle of nowhere and no one else but Izaya would be able to see him and climbed down the ladder. At the bottom, Izaya greeted him with a wet towel. "Thank you." Mikado breathed, he felt awfully sticky with sweat.

He wiped down his body with the towel instantly feeling more refreshed. "I think I'll be glad to have a shower when we go back." He commented wiping his face.

"Well, if everything goes to plan we'll be leaving today." Izaya took the towel and handed him some new clothes. Mikado ripped the tags off with his teeth before pulling on the singlet and shorts.

"I don't know if that's a good thing. People are surely going to ask questions, I was the last person to see Aoba-kun after all." he felt empty saying it but honestly, he welcomed that more than the onslaught of torturous emotions.

"I never did ask you how you ended up the way you did." Izaya pulled some food from the back of the car and they sat down on the camper chairs.

"Well." Mikado sighed, taking the crackers Izaya offered him. "I'm not really sure either. Aoba-kun and I were heading back from a Blue Squares meeting, we stopped at  _Lotteria_  for dinner and after that, we went our different ways." The teen said remembering it clearly. He didn't remember Aoba taking him to the abandoned building, he didn't remember him undressing him.

"He must have knocked you out somehow." Izaya mused opening a packet of snow pea crisps and eating one. Mikado nodded opening his own food, he still didn't feel hungry but he knew he had to eat something.

"Well, when I first woke up, my head hurt." Mikado admitted eating one of the dry crackers. Izaya frowned at him hearing this.

"Have you had any symptoms of a concussion?" Izaya asked concerned and Mikado blinked, looking at him before shaking his head. He hadn't been feeling dizzy or lightheaded.

"Well, when we get back you should see a doctor." Izaya ate a few of his crisps looking at the teen with serious eyes.

"Do you think so?" Mikado furrowed his brow and Izaya nodded.

"I didn't say this before but...you should get tested…in case Kuronuma had anything." The man said quietly and Mikado looked at him blankly for a moment before his expression changed into one of horror.

His blood ran cold as he considered it, he hadn't even thought about it. Aboa could have had any number of illnesses. He felt scared, what if he had something serious? What if he passed it on to Izaya!?

No, Izaya had used a condom relentlessly.

"Oh my god, that's why you used a condom!" he realised looking at the older male with wide eyes.

"It was one of the reasons, yes. I'm sure it will be alright but it's better to get checked and make sure there will be no effect on your health." Izaya explained and Mikado nodded.

"What if there is something wrong with me though?" the teen murmured downhearted looking at the box of crackers in his hand. Izaya sighed and ruffled his hair.

"Then we'll get you treatment obviously." Izaya closed the packet of crisps and smiled. "And if you're worried about sex and passing it on to me, don't stress, that's what condoms are for." The man said rather cheerfully as he returned to the car and brought out the first aid kit.

"When we get back though, we should see Shinra about these burns." He commented returning to his chair and opening the kit. Mikado looked down at his hand, it still hurt and his hand and wrist felt hot but he didn't really care.

They both retreated their wounds. The skin had blistered now making it look even worse. Izaya sighed. "I'm not looking forward to using the shovel with my hand like this." he grimaced bandaging his hand more to protect it. Mikado looked at the man regretfully.

"Couldn't we just fill in the fire pit?" he asked, it would be the easier thing to do instead of scattering the ashes like Izaya had planned. The man shook his head with a stern expression.

"No, that would make it too gather the bone fragments and make an identification if anyone was to find it. Scattering it is the best option." He got to his feet and walked over to the trunk, opening it to grab multiple things out – the shovel, garbage bags, a water bottle and two pairs of gloves.

"Come on. The faster we do this the faster we can get back to Ikebukuro." Izaya handed the teen a pair of gloves and he nodded. The faster they did this, the faster he could put it behind him. Well, that's what he hoped.

They slid the gloves on, mindful of their injuries before heading over to the fire pit. Mikado felt his stomach churn as he looked inside. There was nothing but the metal frame of the suitcase and ashes.

Those ashes…used to be Kuronuma Aoba, it was so surreal and disturbing. A whirlwind of emotions rose in the teen and his face crumbled but he kept it together. It seemed he had finally run out of tears - for the moment that is.

Mikado watched as Izaya used the shovel to pull the metal frame out of the pit. "It will still be hot so don't touch it with your hands." He warned the teen and Mikado nodded.

"What are going to do with it?" the teen inquired as the man opened the first drink bottle, taking a sip.

"That…we probably will have to bury in the pit." He sighed, "There's not much we can do. It's too hot to take it with us or carry into the forest." He said pouring the water onto the ashes, Mikado watched him curiously. Why was he doing that?

Izaya mixed the ashes and water with his shovel making it easier to move. "Can you get one of the garbage bags ready?" the older man asked and the teen complied, he opened one of the garbage bags and held as Izaya shoveled ashes into it.

This went on for some time until two garbage bags were equally full with all the ashes Izaya could dig out if the pit.

Mikado felt sick to his stomach as he watched what used to be Aoba be shoveled into garbage bags, his body felt cold even though it was sticky and humid, sweat was even running down his back.

He looked up at Izaya who had sweat running down his face, his eyebrows furrowed in either pain or concentration, Mikado wasn't sure. Though considering his injured hand, it might have been both. Mikado had offered to take over but Izaya refused.

"Alright." Izaya huffed wiping the sweat off his forehead. Mikado looked at the filled in the fire pit. It was completely gone, it was obvious someone had dug a hole there not too long ago but if they were to dig it up all they would find was the burnt frame of a suitcase, there would be no trace of Aoba.

Mikado sighed. If he thought about it methodically, he didn't feel anything. He could work without being emotionally tortured.

"We should split up. I'll go north so you can go south." The man said as if he was giving orders, his tone was stern and steady. "Take water with you." Izaya picked up one of the garbage bags.

"Yes, Izaya." He murmured, the man put his hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes.

"It's almost over Mikado, keep it together okay?" he smiled and the teen nodded. They left in different directions, a water bottle in their pockets and a bag of Aoba' ashes in hand. Mikado didn't want to touch them, he was wearing gloves but the thought of picking up the ashes in his hand mortified him so he came up with a plan.

He ripped a tiny hole in the bottom of the bag, it was probably the size of his fingernail and started walking. Ashes fell out of the bag, they were basically dry again from the heat. Mikado looked up at the trees wondering if he'd be able to see any of the cicadas that were so noisy but he couldn't. The coverage of the trees was nice and shady making him feel a bit cooler.

Mikado sighed as he walked, a fine trail of ashes mixed into the grass and dirt, disappearing from view. "I wonder what will happen when I get back?" there was no doubt people would be looking for Aoba, the Blue Squares would definitely come looking for him to ask questions, they had all seen him leave the hideout with Aoba.

Mikado still felt guilty, so guilty but he knew it wasn't his fault alone. If Aoba hadn't kidnapped him, hadn't raped him this would never have happened. Aoba was dead, Mikado could think of all the 'what if's' he wanted too but as Izaya had said – it wouldn't change a thing.

He had to accept what had happened. It wouldn't be right away but one day he'd be able to live with what he'd done. He had never wanted it to turn out this way, he still didn't want people to get hurt even after all he'd done.

He didn't really know what to do now, his mission had been to clean up the Dollars but now his means to do that was gone. The Blue Squares never obeyed him, they obeyed Aoba who worked with him. He still wanted to protect everyone, he wanted to return to how it used to be but he couldn't see how he could.

Did it even matter even more?

There was no way he could return to how it used to be with Anri and Masaomi, he was a murderer, a killer now. He was also loyal to Izaya now. The man had promised him his free will but he didn't know what the limits were. He would refuse if Izaya wanted to use the Dollars for anything or if he wanted Mikado to hurt someone but if Izaya asked him to leave Anri and Masaomi behind…

Mikado honestly didn't know what he would do.

He didn't know if he could even face his friends. Did he really want them to be friends with a killer? He didn't, it would best to distance himself. Pain gripped his chest and he stopped walking, he didn't know. He owed Izaya everything, the man had risked a lot to help him. He'd also comforted him and kept focused when he was about to fall apart.

He owed his life to Izaya.

He weighed the bag in his hand, it was almost empty. He started turning making a curve so he was heading back to the campsite. By the time he was halfway back the bag was completely empty. The teen spotted and rolled the bag up in his fist before throwing it away. He continued walking, pulling off his gloves, he threw one under some shrubs and the other in some long grass.

He broke the clearing of the campsite and took out his water bottle, taking a long drink. Izaya wasn't back yet so he sat down on one of the chairs and waited. He couldn't wait to get back to Ikebukuro and have a shower. Hopefully, it wasn't too hot there, his apartment had no air conditioning after all.

The sound of twigs snapping made the teen look up. Izaya appeared from the forest looking just as hot and sweaty as he was. Izaya walked over to him and sighed.

"Let's pack up and get out of here." He grumbled and Mikado nodded eagerly in agreement. They packed everything up, collapsing the tent and put the chairs in the trunk. Mikado paused as he was climbing into Four-wheel drive, he looked over the clearing, his eyes lingering on the filled in fire pit.

"Goodbye Aoba-kun." Mikado whispered quietly, his voice small and sad. He climbed into the car without another word, he could tell Izaya was staring at him but the teen didn't look over at him. Izaya sighed and without a word, they headed back to Ikebukuro.


	8. Treatment

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya had never to so happy to get in the shower. When they had got back to his place, they both headed towards the shower. Mikado backed off, intending to the let the older man go first but Izaya just pulled the teen in with him. There was plenty of room for both of them.

"Hah~" Izaya smiled feeing the cold water cooling his body down, washing away the sweat. Mikado let out a sigh of relief as he stuck his head under the water. Izaya stuck his burnt hand under the cold water, some of his blisters had popped while he was using the shovel and it was painful.

Mikado mimicked his actions putting his own burnt hand under the cold water. The teen's burn was worse than his. The bandages around his wrist had caught on fire, badly burning where he had been already injured. There were also parts that looked white and leathery informing the man that Mikado had some third-degree burns.

He'd definitely have to take him to Shinra. Hopefully, the underground doctor wouldn't be so nosy and ask and a bunch of questions. Anyone would see it as weird, not only were their burns matching but it was the middle of summer, they couldn't say it was a fireplace or something like that.

Izaya soaped up his body, cleaning all the sweat and grime of their camping trip off him. He washed his hair too, instantly feeling a hundred times better.

"Izaya…what are you going to do now?" Mikado asked while he waited to wash out his own shampoo.

"Hm? I already said we were going to Shinra's remember?" he moved out of the water so Mikado could use it. He admired the water running down the teens back. His naked body was alluring as always but Izaya did nothing but look, after the events of last night he had no energy to take the teen again.

"Yeah, I know. But I meant in general." The teen looked up at him, his hair dripping around his ears. "With me." He met the man's eyes and Izaya smirked.

"Oh yes, our deal right?" he mused happily.

"I have some things I won't do." The teen said his expression hardening and Izaya's smirk widened wondering what the teen would have to say.

"And what would they be?"

"I won't hurt people and I won't use my position with the Dollars to help your schemes." The teen said staring at him like he was daring for the older man to challenge his decision but honestly, Izaya didn't mind.

It was never his goal to take over the Dollars, if it was he would have done it long ago. And Izaya knew the teen had a gentle nature, even though he had needed up killing someone.

"What if I asked you to abandon your friends? Aren't they what you care about most?" Izaya smirked leaning in close to the teen, taunting him. Mikado averted his eyes, looking conflicted.

"I…I don't know." Mikado finally admitted, surprising Izaya. Is he serious? He'd actually consider leaving his friends for me? Izaya felt amazed and happy, he wasn't going to ask the teen do something like that. He didn't want Mikado to hate him, the teen was one of the few people who didn't despise him and he wanted to keep it that way.

"I think I said this before but I want you to basically go about life as normal. I want you to go to school and whatever else you've been up too. The only thing different will be that you will return to me every night unless I say otherwise."

Mikado blinked, "You want me to live with you?" he asked in disbelief.

Izaya hadn't really thought of it that way but once he considered it, yes, that was basically what he wanted. He wanted Mikado to basically be a housekeeper, one he could have sex with and talk to whenever he wanted.

"It would be nice to have a cute housekeeper don't you think?" he smirked and Mikado sighed. "There will be times I tell you to go back to your apartment." Izaya said as they stood closely under the shower.

"But otherwise you will come to where I'm staying. If it's not my normal apartment-" he gestured around, "I will text you the address." He lifted the teen's chin to make Mikado look at him.

"Yes, Izaya." Mikado said meeting the man's eyes with a content look on his face.

Izaya smiled and let the teen. He opened the shower door. "I'll go call Shinra and tell him we're coming." He told the teen who nodded before wrapping a towel around his body and leaving the bathroom.

* * *

They took a taxi to Shinra's, too exhausted to take the train or walk. Izaya hadn't bothered to redress their burnt hands as it would have only been removed so Shinra could inspect it. They arrived at the man's apartment.

"He's not going to ask questions is he?" Mikado asked nervously as they entered the lobby.

"I hope not." Izaya sighed as they got in the elevator. "He might ask a few questions but you don't have to answer them." He told the teen who nodded.

Izaya pressed the intercom and a familiarly cheerful voice answered.

"Hello~? Who is it?"

"It's Izaya."

"Oh!" the childish man opened the door to them with a big smile. "Hello!" he greeted with a wide smile.

"Energetic as always." Izaya smirked, "But I'm afraid we're here for treatment." Izaya held up his badly burnt hand and Shinra stared at in shock. He looked over to Mikado, scanning his until he saw his severally hurt hand.

"Come on. When did this happen?" Shinra asked seriously picking up his briefcase and gesturing them to sit on the couch.

"Last night." Izaya replied as the man rushed around, beside him, Mikado fidgeted ever so slightly.

"Last night!?" Shinra exclaimed outraged. "Why didn't you contact sooner! These are serious injuries Izaya-kun!" He said lifting up their hands to prove his point.

"Stuff happened." Izaya said with his usual smirk and Shinra shook his head. He started treating Mikado's hand, probably because it was worse than Izaya's. Shinra pushed up his glasses and frowned.

"There's honestly not much I can do to fix it. We just have to keep it clean and bandaged until it heals…when it does heal you'll have some pretty nasty scars so if you need to fix that I can help you out." The underground doctor said inspecting the teen's hand before fishing a tube of cream from his suitcase and smearing it over the nasty burns.

"Will it affect our hand moments?" Izaya asked with a frown and Shinra shrugged.

"It's hard to say. Mikado-kun is more likely to have trouble because he has third-degree burns on his wrist joints." Shinra gently placed a dressing over the wound before he wrapped the teen's hands and wrist in gauze like they had been doing.

Shinra moved to Izaya, changing his gloves as he did so. "Your burns aren't as bad as Mikado-Kun's, but I still can't guarantee there won't be lasting effects." Shinra said as he treated his hand the exact same way he'd done with Mikado's.

"Until they heal, you should use this." the underground doctor handed Izaya the tube of cream he had been using.

"Lidocaine with aloe vera." Izaya read aloud and Shinra nodded.

"Use that and an antiseptic cream too. I suggest you buy some burn dressing from the chemist and then wrap it in gauze like I just did." He said launching into more instructions on how to look after their burns. The two listened carefully to every word, when to change it, how it wash it, not to pop the blisters and so on.

"So…are you going to tell me what happened?" Shinra asked with a grin and Izaya smirked.

"No way." he stood up and Mikado did the same. "Thank you but I'm quite busy. I'll wire the money to your account." Izaya said headed towards the door.

"Thank goodness, hurry up and get out of here before my beloved Celty comes back. Ah, she always gets upset when you come around. It would be better if you never did."

"My, you're so rude to your poor injured patients." Izaya smirked putting his arm around Mikado's waist to lead him out the door.

"Just hurry up and leave." Shinra said with a wide smile and Izaya snorted, doing just that.

"Are you guys really friends?" Mikado asked as they walked down the hallway to the elevator. Izaya chuckled.

"Sometimes I have to wonder." He grinned and Mikado looked at him in confusion. "What do you say we go get some Russia Sushi, we haven't eaten probably in a while."

"I'm not really hungry." Mikado frowned and Izaya shook his head.

"Too bad. You have to eat something." Izaya insisted linking arms with the teen as they left the apartment building. "That can be my first request. Come with me to Russia Sushi, eat and relax."

Mikado raised his eyebrows at the request. Izaya knew Mikado was probably expecting someone a lot more problematic even sexual, not going out for a meal. But Izaya liked to eat with people and they both needed food.

"Your first request is going to be going out for dinner?" Mikado asked in disbelief as he walked arm in arm with the man. Izaya smirked,

"Yup, do you have a problem with that?" he said teasing challenging the teen who shook his head.

"No, Izaya."

"Good, let's go then." Izaya beamed happily ignoring the strange looks they were getting from others as they walked down the street.

When they got to Russia Sushi, Simon was out the front as usual. Izaya had let go of Mikado some time ago when he was sure the teen would follow him willingly.

"I-za-ya! Mi-ka-do! Come you eat good sushi! You friend? Friends eat sushi! No, be no more hungry or fighting!" the large man boomed loudly. Izaya smirked at the man.

"Hello Simon, some sushi would be great." He followed the large Russian man inside the small store and into the private back room, it was mostly in case Shizuo came in. It was said that Russia Sushi was neutral turf but the blond monster didn't understand that and fell into a rage anyway even though Simon was there.

"I'll have two sets of otoro." Izaya smiled before looking at Mikado.

"I'll have the mixed tuna set." He said quietly not looking up at their large waiter. Izaya slid his feet under the table so he was touching the teen's leg, his touch seemed to soothe Mikado a bit because his shoulder's relaxed the slightest bit.

" _Izaya, you better not have hurt this boy."_ Simon said speaking in Russian his voice stern and wary.

" _I haven't done anything."_ He replied honestly in the same language. Mikado looked back and forth between the two men in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" he asked with a frown, "You're not talking about me are you?"

"Simon's concerned that I've done something to you." Izaya chuckled and Mikado's lips quirked up into a smile. He looked up at the man towering over him.

"Nothing's happened, I'm just tired." He said with a smile, a smile that looked like his old one, the one he had when he had first arrived at Ikebukuro. It was startling to see that smile again and it also made Izaya feel a slight sadness for his companion.

"You ok? Ok. You eat sushi, feel better." Simon said with a wide smile and Mikado nodded. As soon as the man left, the teen's smile dropped, replaced by a sullen expression that had become common the last two days.

"People will keep asking if something's wrong if you keep looking like that." Izaya warned him sipping his green tea. Mikado sighed and looked over the table at Izaya.

"I have to act all normal and okay don't I?"

"Yup, you need to keep up that innocent and naive act. That way no one will suspect a thing." Izaya smirked happily and Mikado looked dejected. "But at least, you don't have to act around me."

Mikado blinked and gave the man a wry smile. "I guess that's true."

"It is. I know everything so there is no reason to hide." Izaya's voice softened as he spoke. He wanted to portray that he really was there for the teen. They both felt the bond, the kinship they had before all this had happened and now it was ten times stronger.

Izaya felt content as he sat there eating with the teen. He honestly felt as if he had no need to be snide or sadistic, he could just relax and spend time with the teen without a worry. Mikado seemed content around Izaya too and that was a first for the informant.

It might sound crass and disturbing but Izaya was kind of glad Mikado had rung him to dispose of Aoba's body.

Now he had someone who would stay by his side and Izaya regreted nothing.


	9. Doctors and Assholes

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

After forcing down multiple pieces of sushi because Izaya had threatened to force-feed him if he didn't; Mikado headed towards a twenty-four-hour medical clinic that Izaya had suggested.

It was dark now and Mikado felt on edge. There were so many people, too many hiding places, and too many dangers. The clinic he was going to was still in the main part of Ikebukuro where it was well lit.

He walked as casually as he could but he felt paranoid, so paranoid. Would one of these people try and hurt him? What if they knew what he'd done? He shook his head, no one could know and in the last year of living in Ikebukuro, he'd never ran into much trouble unless it had something to do with other people.

He reached the clinic safely and walked up to the receptionist. "Hello, I heard you do walk-in appointments?" he said nervously, the lady behind the desk looked at him with sharp brown eyes, she looked like a mean lady.

"You'll have to wait." She said rudely as if she was looking down at him. He blinked waiting for her to give him for information. She sighed annoyed,

"There's four appointments before you. Sit down and wait. Your number is 275." She said coldly.

"U-um okay. Thank you." Mikado retreated away from the lady and into one of the cold plastic chairs. Izaya hadn't come with him stating that he had work to do but now the teen wished he was there beside him.

There was something strangely soothing about Izaya's presence. Before this Izaya's presence had always been exciting, even tantalizing but not soothing at all, but it had changed. Izaya had been supportive and helpful during this entire this ordeal, he been Mikado's rock and kept him in a stable mindset.

Mikado rested his head in his hands, his elbows balanced on his knees as he thought. He hoped he was clean, he couldn't bare if he passed any diseases or inflections into Izaya after all he'd done for him. Sex was one of the only things he could give Izaya, there wasn't much too him.

He sighed, running his finger through his hair. How the hell was he even meant to ask the doctor to test him? Was he just meant to be like - 'Yo, I need an HIV test'

"Ugh." He clenched his teeth. Did he say he got raped? No, he didn't want to do that. He didn't want anyone to know. Tell the guy he was having sex…oh, he was having sex and the condom broke! It was perfect, he would just say that he wasn't sure if the person was clean and he wanted to be on the safe side.

Aoba's face appeared in his mind but the teen willed it away. He just wanted to stop thinking about it, he wanted to stop thinking about it but the only way he'd managed to do that so far was to have sex with Izaya and that was not a very energy efficient method.

It's not like either of them had the time or energy to do it like animals every time Mikado's mind starting thinking of Aoba. He let out another heavy sigh and looked up, how was he meant to just go back to his old life like nothing had happened? He didn't know, he didn't know.

"Number 275, we're ready for you." Mikado's head snapped over at the sound of his number and stood up, following the doctor into his office.

"So how can I help you…oh, your name isn't on the computer." The doctor looked confused before looking at Mikado expectantly.

"Ryugamine Mikado." He supplied, the doctor typed the named into the computer with a smile.

"That's an unusual name." the doctor chuckled. "So Ryugamine-san, how can I help you today?"

Mikado froze awkwardly. "U-um well. Well, …you see…" he stuttered not knowing what to say despite coming up with a story in the waiting room. The doctor waited patiently for him to find his words.

"Well…uh, I was d-doing it with this girl…and the c-condom broke." He stuttered, "She freaked out and told me afterward I should get tested before running away." He finished a bright red blush on his face.

"Oh, I see. And how long ago was this?" the doctor inquired. Mikado thought for a moment

"Two, no, three nights ago?" The teen said unsurely fidgeting the best he could without hurting his burnt hand. The doctor hummed.

"Alright. Did the girl say what you should get tested for?" the doctor asked and Mikado shook his head. He was glad the doctor was convinced by his story. "Hm, we can do an oral test for any diseases and infections." The doctor explained and Mikado nodded.

"That sounds good. I just want to know if it's something serious." Mikado said quietly and the doctor nodded. A cotton swab was swirled around the teen's cheeks, gathering saliva.

"How long will it take?" Mikado asked nervously and the doctor smiled, there was something akin to pity in his eyes.

"It takes thirty minutes." The doctor said and he breathed a sigh of relief. At least he could take the results back to Izaya straight away. The teen went back to the waiting room as the test was being done.

While he waited he prayed, he prayed that Aoba hadn't cursed him. He already had a hand that was burnt to hell. He couldn't get those traumatic memories out of his head, he couldn't get Aoba out of his head – he did want… he didn't want some disease on top of it all.

It seemed like an eternity but finally, his test was done and he was called into the doctor's office once again. "Well Ryugamine-san, I'm happy to inform you that the test is negative, you have no diseases or infections. No HIV, no AIDS, Hepatitis, HPV-" the doctor continued listing diseases, it was a long list and Mikado felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders as he listened.

"Thank god." He whispered feeling tears sting in his eyes. Aoba hadn't given him one more curse, he'd dodge a bullet. The doctor smiled at him and gave him a copy of the results. "I'm glad the results are negative. Is there anything else I can help you with?" he asked with a smile and Mikado shook his head.

"No but thank you, doctor, I was so worried." The teen gave the man a grateful bow, a relieved smile on his face.

"No worries. Take care Ryugamine-san" the doctor bowed back.

Mikado left the clinic, eager to tell Izaya his results so the older man could have peace of mind. He walked quickly through the streets wanting to get back to Izaya's as quickly as possible. There was a small smile on his face. For the first time since it had all started, he had good news.

"Boss!"

Mikado was eager to rest, to finally rest and not worry about anything for a few hours. He was eager to be in the soothing presence of Izaya again.

"Ryugamine-kun!" someone all but shouted and Mikado turned around in shock. His heart dropped into his stomach and his blood ran cold as he saw the members of the Blue Squares standing before him with angry expressions.

The first feeling Mikado felt was panic but he swallowed it down. "Hey guys, what's up?" he asked casually even though he left like there was a lump in his throat.

"We were calling out for you." One of them snapped, he couldn't even remember their names.

"Where have you been the last two days?" Neko snapped, he was the only name Mikado remember - for obvious reasons.

"Huh? I was sick. I texted Aboa-kun, he didn't tell you?" Mikado lied, Aoba's named thick and heavy on his tongue.

"No! Aoba-Kun's has been missing since Tuesday!" one of the tall boy's snapped, "What happened when you left the base?"

"Eh?" Mikado faked being shocked. "He's missing!?" he exclaimed in fake disbelief.

"Yes! What happened!?" one of the boy's shoved Mikado's shoulder threateningly. Mikado blinked, that was right, without Aoba they had no reason to care about him.

"Well, we went to  _Lotteria_  like usual and then went our separate ways." He lied but it even sounded convincing to his own ears. The Blue Squares had him surrounded. They stepped forward, making him take a step back until they were in the entrance of a shadowy alleyway

"What are you doing?" he growled glaring at them furiously. Were they really going to beat the shit out of him for this? "We had a deal!"

Maybe he could get out of this, surely, he could get out of this!

"I feel like you're not telling us the truth Ryugamine." One of them sneered and Mikado gritted his teeth.

"You're going to go against Aboa-Kun's words just because he disappeared for a few days!?" he exclaimed convincingly. The members snickered.

"It was always our planned to destroy you. Did you really think a puny little runt like you leader of the Dollars? We were planning to overthrow you obviously!" the tall one grinned and Mikado narrowed his eyes.

"If you think I didn't know that then you're then dumber than I thought you were." As Mikado finished his words a fist came flying at his face, pain erupted in his cheek and he bit his bit.

"How dare you." He growled furiously but the gang didn't back off. The teen had no chance, it was seven on one and Mikado had never been a strong fighter let alone with an injured hand.

"Ugh!" Mikado stumbled back as a fist met his stomach. A frenzied series of punches and kicks brought him to his knees. He could taste blood in his mouth and his forehead was no doubt bleeding too.

He didn't fight back. In all honesty, he deserved this. He had killed their leader, their friend – he'd killed Aoba.

"You are a worthless, weak piece of shit." Neko spat and Mikado glared at the ground, he didn't want to make them angrier so he stayed silent even though words as sharp as knives were on the tip on his tongue.

"We'll never do your bidding even when Aoba-kun does come back." The tall one sneered pressed his foot into the teen's head, he was trying to push Mikado's into a bow. Tring to make him grovel before them but he refused, fighting against the harsh treatment.

Aoba was never coming back. He had killed him. He didn't need the Blue Squares anymore either. He wanted to scream at them, curse them for everything but he stayed silent and they clicked their tongues and scoffed at him before walking away.

"Fucking assholes." Mikado growled struggling to his feet. "I want to go home already." He didn't know if home meant his apartment or Izaya's anymore but he just wanted somewhere safe where he could rest.

Mikado stumbled down the street, people stared at his bruised and bloodied face but he didn't care. He got beat up by some gang, nothing unusual. He wondered how Izaya would react to his injuries, would he be mad? Concerned? Would he even care? Mikado had a feeling he would.

Mikado cradled his burnt hand carefully. At least he had been able to protect it from the Blue Squares' attack. He was limping slightly as he made his way to Shinjuku. His entire body hurt and all he wanted to do was curl up somewhere and cry.

It made him feel like the worthless, piece of shit Neko had called him but it was true. He wanted to sleep and forget about everything…that was if his dreams would let him. Izaya sighed and wiped his slipt lip with the sleeve of his jacket.

Mikado wanted to hurry back to Izaya.

He wanted to see Izaya because if the older man was there, Mikado felt as if he was safe.


	10. Marks

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya stood up when the door buzzed. It had been three hours since he'd left Mikado in Ikebukuro and he been starting to worry. Mikado was only meant to go to the doctors and return back to him, that didn't take three hours.

Unless there were a hundred of people at the clinic. Izaya wondered if the teen had gotten his test back, if it had been positive and had ran off somewhere unable to handle the news. Mikado had been on the edge since the whole incident and the man was sure another blow would push him off the edge.

He looked at his intercom and blinked in surprised. As he hoped it was Mikado but the teen was not alone. Kyohei, Erika and Walker were by his side. Izaya frowned noticing the teen's face seemed swollen and bloody.

He opened the door. "Well what a pleasant surprise, I was expecting one person but I get four!" he smirked crossing his arms. Mikado looked at the ground either in shame or anger the man wasn't sure.

"They insisted on taking me home." Mikado muttered under his breath looking up at the man. Izaya's eyes widened, Mikado had been beaten up quite horribly. His face was covered his bruises and cuts on his lip and forehead were crusted with dried blood.

"What happened to you face?" Izaya asked moving so the boy could come inside but much to his annoyance the three others followed him in too. Mikado glanced at the others with conflicted expression. Izaya stepped closer to the teen as he whispered.

"I ran into the Blue Squares."

Izaya narrowed his eyes. He wanted to know more but it was far too risky to speak about it in front of others. "I see. Say, be a dear and go get the first aid kit from upstairs." Izaya said with another smirk and the teen nodded before trotting up the stairs and out of sight.

"So what do I owe the pleasure of having you three visit my apartment?" he turned to Kyohei and the two otakus.

"We're taking Ryugamine-san home once his done here." Kyohei said casually.

"We wanted to take him home right away but he insisted he had to see you." Walker piped up and Erika narrowed her eyes at him.

"Well, I sorry to disappoint you but Mikado won't be leaving here." Izaya smirked leaning against his desk.

"What do you mean!?" Erika demanded and Izaya snickered at her needless anger.

"Because I'm taking care of him for the moment." Izaya picked at his nail slightly as if he were bored.

"What do you mean taking care of him?" Kyohei asked suspiciously and Izaya smirked once again, this time to cover up his irritation.

"Exactly as it sounds." Izaya kicked off his desk and walked around to sit in his chair. "I don't see why it's any of your business honestly."

"It's my business because I wouldn't let you mess with kids anymore. Do you honestly think we could just sit by and watch it happen all over again?" Kyohei snapped glaring at the informant who rolled his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Izaya said as if he were bored, he glanced towards the stairs wondering if Mikado was listening.

"We're talking about Kida-kun!"

"What happened to Kida was his own fault." Izaya shrugged. He never said he was on the blond's side, he didn't force Saki to give herself to the Blue Squares. He didn't do anything wrong.

Kyohei stalked towards Izaya clenching his fists and Izaya wondered if the man was going to try and hit him. Hurried footsteps filled the apartment

"W-what are you doing!?" Mikado exclaimed breathlessly sliding between the two men. Izaya blinked in shock. The teen had literally bolted down the stairs as fast as he could to…protect Izaya?

Everyone in the room was stunned. "Mikado…" Izaya murmured feeling pretty touched. No one had ever tried to protect him before. But there he was, that short, slightly broken teen standing between him and Kyohei, hands spread wide with a furious expression on his face.

Kyohei looked stunned at the teen as did the two otakus. "I'm only trying to help Ryugamine-kun." The large man said sternly and Mikado bristled with anger.

"Who asked you to!?" he yelled and Izaya sighed. He touched the teen's shoulder comfortingly and Mikado looked at him, surprised. "Izaya…?" he tilted his head and the informant shook his head before turning to Kyohei and the otakus.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to leave." He said sternly his expression hard.

"Fine, we'll leave but I swear if you hurt him in any way I'll tear your balls off and make you eat them" Erika hissed. Izaya watched as all three of his unwanted guests turned their heel and left.

Mikado let out a rather lengthy sigh and relaxed. "My, that was quite the heroic act Mikado." Izaya smirked turning the teen to look at him. He looked exhausted, along with the injuries to his face Izaya could see a dullness to his blue eyes.

"Thank you." Izaya smiled pulling the teen into a hug. Mikado hugged him back and they stayed like that for some time before the man pulled back.

"So, tell me what happened." Izaya said separating from the teen to retrieve the first aid kit. Mikado must have dropped it when rushing down the stairs because the plastic case was now broken on the floor, it's contents spilled everywhere.

"Well I got tested." The teen took out a piece of paper from his pocket as they sat down on the sofa. Izaya stiffened a bit as he waited for the results. "Everything is negative."

Izaya sighed in relief as he poured some rubbing alcohol onto a small towel, soaking it. "That's wonderful news." He smiled happily as he started wiping blood off the teens face.

"Yeah." Mikado flinched as the alcohol reached the cut on his forehead.

"And what happened with the Blue Squares?" Izaya asked after a moment of silence. Mikado's eyes looked down and Izaya's eyes softened. He just looked so downhearted, so sad. So fragile.

"They came up to asking where I had been the last two days and I said I was sick." The teen sad quietly as Izaya finished wiping the rest of the blood of his face, the wounds were fresh and starting to bleed again.

"I…said I had texted Aoba-kun about it…" Mikado's voice got even quieter as Izaya continued working on his wounds. "…then they got angry, aggressive and told me that Aboa-kun's missing and questioned me because I was the last person to see him."

Izaya nodded, putting bandages on the teen's wounds before sitting back. There wasn't much he could do for the bruises. "And then they beat you up?"

"I guess…one said they didn't believe me and started insulting me so I ended up snapping at them…" the teen touched his cheek lightly with his uninjured hand.

"And then they beat you up?" Izaya inquired wanting to make sure he had the facts right. Mikado gave a curt nod and touched his chest. Izaya's brow furrowed at the action. "How's the rest of your body?" he asked and Mikado shrugged.

"Take your shirt off." The man requested and Mikado stared at him for a second before compiling.

Bruises. So many bruises all over his ribs and stomach. Izaya swallowed heavily and closed his eyes. Why did this happen? What had Mikado to deserve this? He killed someone out of self-defence and it's like the universe is punishing him. He doesn't deserve this…any of this.

"Does it hurt?" he murmured gently tracing the bruises with his fingertips. The teen shrugged, averting his eyes.

"Not really." He mumbled. Izaya pressed down on each of the ribs gently watching the teen's reaction but it seemed none of them were broken. That was something at least.

Izaya traced the teen's shoulder, it wasn't marred in anyway. It was smooth like marble and a creamy peach colour like it was meant to be. Izaya couldn't help but lean down and press his lips affectionately into the smooth skin.

"Izaya?" Mikado questioned sounding slightly nervous and for good reason – Without warning the teen in the slightest, Izaya bit down with all his strength. His teeth broke the skin and sunk into the flesh.

"O-ow!" Mikado exclaimed in shock. When Izaya pulled back there was a deep bite mark in the teen's skin and blood all over Izaya's mouth.

"A mark." Izaya murmured and Mikado looked at him in confusion. He looked into the teen's blue eyes. "Your life is mine isn't it? You should have a mark for proof." The man said, he knew he sounded possessive but it was true.

Aboa had marked the teen's hand, the Blue Squares' attack would probably leave scars on his face so it was only right that he gave the teen something better, a scar of loyalty and…what were they?

There was a warmth between them, it wasn't romantic but rather like two people who had been good friends for a long time. Izaya had seen people before be such good friends with each other that they were like two sides of the same coin…was it wrong that he felt it described the two of them?

The informant smiled to himself. He'd never been close to someone like that before. He felt as if he could trust Mikado not because he knew his darkest secret but rather…it was like the teen was content by his side. He wouldn't have jumped between him and Kyohei if he didn't care for Izaya.

Mikado didn't seem upset at the bite mark, he just looked at peace and gave a small nod before settling back down in Izaya's arms despite the now bleeding wound on his shoulder. Ah, Izaya would have to patch that up too.

Izaya's hold around the teen tightened and he pulled Mikado as close as he could without hurting him.

Being cared about…it was a surprisingly warm feeling. Izaya didn't know what he'd call Mikado, his friend? No, he felt as if it was something more…lover? No, they held no romantic feelings for each other. It couldn't be family either because family surely didn't have sex with each other. Perhaps it was a mixture of all three, it sounded messed up but it was true.

"Ne, why did you jump between me and Dotachin?" Izaya asked suddenly and Mikado looked at him surprised. The teen thought for a moment before answering.

"I couldn't let him hurt you. I owe you everything Izaya." The teen looked deep into his eyes and Izaya felt a lump his throat.

"What do you mean?" he asked tilting his head curiously.

"Well, you said I owed you my life. So if my life ends protecting you so be it." Mikado said his eyes determined and Izaya stared at the teen in shock. Was…was he saying he would die to protect him? That's not what Izaya wanted at all!

"I won't lie, I'm touched but I didn't ask you to become my shield." Izaya brushed the teen's hair from his forehead, mindful of the cut. Mikado gave a glimpse of a smile and nodded.

"I know but I would protect you even if you didn't want me too." The teen's eyes were focused but soft. Izaya chuckled and pulled Mikado close once again, against his chest.

"If that's what you want to do but I have to say I would be quite sad." The man admitted though the smirk on his face made it seem more like a joke. "But I will request something of you."

"What is it?" Mikado asked his eyes studying Izaya's stern expression.

"Never, ever interfere in my fights with Shizu-chan. I don't care what happens, how injured I am or what, you are  _not_  allowed to interfere."

Mikado looked almost sad as he rested his head on the man's chest for a moment as if he was thinking about it. Perhaps he was coming to terms with it. The teen looked up again and nodded, his eyes hardened.

"Yes, Izaya."

Izaya chuckled, it seemed the teen has taken a liking to that particular phrase. It was cute, the teen said with absolute obedience. The man couldn't deny that the fact the teen was seemingly so loyal was nice.

Sure, he'd have loyal followers before but Mikado was different, Mikado had his own mind and could make his own decisions, he didn't need Izaya to instruct him like a mindless puppet.

Izaya was becoming even more grateful that the teen had rung him that night. Not only had it brought them much closer but now Izaya had someone by his side, someone that actually liked and cared about him.


	11. And Then There Were Two

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

Mikado woke up quite late in the morning, sun filtered through the curtains of Izaya's bedroom making the teen groan and cover his eyes. He rolled out of bed feeling like he'd been hit by a bus, his entire body hurt.

He stumbled into the loft and stared down at the main floor curiously. Izaya was not as his desk and the teen couldn't hear him in the kitchen – the apartment was deathly quiet.

Mikado carefully made his way downstairs, he was wearing nothing but underwear and a large hoodie he'd borrowed off Izaya. His legs which were exposed to the world, had dark purple and red botches over them.

Bruises, they were all over his body. The teen didn't have to look in a mirror to see them because he could feel them with every movement he made. As he made it to the ground floor Mikado crinkled his nose up.

Something was different. The air almost felt stagnant and heavy which was not how Izaya's apartment was meant to feel. Mikado had woken up here enough times over the last year to know that Izaya's apartment always felt cold but familiar.

But nothing seemed out of place. Mikado could see nothing that had been obviously moved and it wasn't just because Izaya wasn't there – he'd woken up before to find the informant not home. The teen walked to the kitchen cautiously, his gut churned and his heart slammed against his rib cage as he walked across the large room.

Once in the kitchen, his eyes settled on the coffee machine in shock. It was boiling over, hot coffee had spilled onto the bench and floor. Mikado swallowed heavily, there was no way Izaya would ever leave the coffee maker on unattended, let alone leave it to boil over.

Something was very, very wrong. Mikado's blue eyes focused on the knife block near the stove. He stepped towards it, taking a wide berth from the coffee machine scared of the boiling liquid on the floor. He reached out for a knife and stopped a few inches away.

W-what…exactly was he going to do?

If Izaya was in trouble…Mikado had no chance winning against his attacker, Izaya was a hundred times stronger than he was after all. The teen shook his head. He had said he would risk his life for Izaya. Plus, he was only going to take it with him as he looked around the apartment.

He was probably just being paranoid and Izaya had rushed out for something important. He pulled a large butchers knife from the block and looked at his reflection in the blade. He looked like a mess, completely black and blue.

As he carefully turned off the coffee maker and left the kitchen. A voice nagged at him in the back of his head. If something really is wrong, then what exactly would he do? He had a knife but he didn't know if he was prepared to use it.

What if Izaya had been taken away? Mikado would be able to do nothing, the Dollars would be no help because everyone hated the informant. What if Izaya was gone forever? What would Mikado do? The teen shook his head as he crept throughout the apartment. Why did this place have to be so massive!?

As he walked into the lounge area something caught his eye. The TV was on but that wasn't the main thing. There was a syringe on the floor. Mikado stared at the object in horror, memories rushing back in his head. As he looked closer he could see a few drops of blood on the floor and his stomach dropped.

He stood there for a moment, shaking violently. Something had indeed happened. Mikado looked towards the closed bathroom door and slowly walked towards it. He didn't know what to do, what he was going to find. The knife was held loosely in his hand, limp by his side.

He carefully turned the doorknob and opened it without a sound to find – nothing. Mikado blinked, he was expecting to find something horrible but all he could see was the usual spotless bathroom. There was nothing in the shower or the bath either.

But Mikado's relief didn't last long, either Izaya had been taken away or he was upstairs. The teen exited the bathroom and headed towards the stairs but as he did so, he noticed another door. It was tucked away in the odd space under the stairs and painted the exact same colour as the wall.

The teen had no idea what was behind that door and he was terrified to find out. He walked towards the door anxiously. He tightened his hold on the knife in fear as he turned the handle and silently opened the door to reveal his fears.

Izaya was on the ground of what seemed to be some sort of archive room. There was a tall man with slicked black hair hovering over him, Mikado watched the scene in something akin to horror. Izaya was naked and gagged, his body completely still but his eyes were awake and aware.

They met eyes and Izaya looked at him in shock. Mikado bit his lip frozen as he processed the scene. This guy had drugged Izaya, undressed him…he was going to rape him! He promised to protect Izaya no matter what, he couldn't let this happened but what could he do? The man ran his hands down Izaya's naked torso and the informant looked thoroughly disgusted.

The teen didn't mean to make a noise, it just sort of happened. A high pitched terrified whine escaped his throat making Izaya's attacker look up at him. He was terrifying with a large feral smile on his face, his eyes hidden by a pair of black sunglasses but most of all was the large burn on the right side of his face that made him look even more insane.

"Oh~? What's this? You had a bitch of yer own Orihara?" the man grinned reminding the teen of a hyena. Mikado felt cold as the man stood up. Mikado's legs trembled and he looked at Izaya whose eyes were screaming at him to run.

And that's what he did.

Mikado turned and ran, he ran for his life. His entire body hurt and he couldn't breathe but he tried. He didn't get very far. The man who was much faster and stronger than the teen tackled him to the ground.

"Ugh!" Mikado hit the ground hard, his nose was bleeding from the impact and the knife that had been in his hand skittered around the ground and out of reach. His blue eyes were wide in horror as he felt the man holding him down.

"Gotcha!" The man snickered, his voice was slimy and it made Mikado feel sick. He struggled as best he could.

"Let go!" he cried tears building in his blue eyes and falling down his bruised cheeks. Fear coursing through his every pain making it hard to breathe and his body feel like ice.

"Haha." The man snickered once again. "Watching you squeal like that is the best. I was gonna have my fun with Orihara but I think I'll start with you first." The man pulled up the teen's hoodie revealing his back and Mikado yelped in terror his body shaking violently.

No, this can't be happening! How? Why? Mikado sobbed uncontrollably and struggled violently to get away, clawing at the hardwood floors until his fingernails started bleeding but it was to no avail. The man kept on hand firmly on the teen's back, pressing him into the ground while the other one grabbed the waistband of his underwear.

"NO! PLEASE!" Mikado screamed his heart feeling as it had stopped. This couldn't happen! No! Not Again! The man laughed loudly, it echoed through the apartment elevating the teen's fear and desperation.

"Man, when you scream like that you remind me of that little prick." He purred as he spread the teen's legs despite Mikado using every inch of his strength to keep them closed. "Aboa was always a screamer."

Mikado's blood froze and his breath caught in his throat. Aboa? What about Aboa? He knows Aboa? How? Did this guy do this to Aboa? No way… god, why?

"A-Aboa-kun?" he stuttered through choked sobs and the man laughed once again, making a shiver run down the teen's spine, dread swirled in his stomach making him feel like he was going to throw up.

"Oh, you know that little monster do you? I hate that little asshole but his ass was great, I don't care if he was my little brother or not, he was the devil and he deserved hell." The man sneered and Mikado's face crumpled in disgust. This guy was Aboa's brother… and he'd…raped Aboa!?

"I hope you feel as good that girly lookin' ass." The man pulled up the teen hips and Mikado retched but there was nothing in his stomach. He could hear the man's zipper go down and he knew if he didn't do something this monster would surely rape him and then go moved onto Izaya.

He would die before he let either of those things happen. He had told Izaya he would protect him and that's what he planned to do! He summoned every ounce of strength he had.

"LET GO!" Mikado screamed fighting violently, his leg kicked out, striking the man where it hurt the most.

"Ugh!" the man cried in pain, his hold loosening and Mikado scrambled out from underneath him, he crawled forward and grabbed the knife, he swung it as he turned around to face his attacker.

"You little fucker-AHHHHHH!" The man screamed in pain as Mikado's knife stabbed directly into his eye. It broke through his cheap-looking black sunglasses, burying itself deep with the man's eye socket.

Mikado's hand trembled and he stared at what he'd done with wide eyes. "Y-you fucker, I'll kill you!" the man growled viciously and the teen jumped back, taking the knife with him.

"UGHHH!" the man yelled clutching his destroyed eye, his glasses fell from his face. The man was now completely blind. Mikado scrambled to his feet, panting heavily.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" the monster screamed like a wild animal and Mikado trembled violently. His hand were covered in blood as they clutched the knife tightly. The man also stood up though he was a bit unsteady on his feet. "WHERE ARE YOU, YER LITTLE CUNT!?" he screamed having no idea Mikado was standing not even a meter in front of him.

Mikado hiccupped and the man snapped his head towards him with a terrifying smile. "There you are!" the man lunged at Mikado and the teen watched in horror as he jumped into the knife, that long silver blade disappearing into his stomach.

The man's face twisted in pain and shock as he processed what had happened, his hands touching the knife now embedded deep into his stomach. He coughed, blood spewed from his mouth.

"Ugh…you fucker…!" he gasped and Mikado let go of the knife letting the man lump to the ground. Blood quickly spread over the floorboards as Mikado looked at him in terror, shaking violently he felt a warm wetness run down his naked legs.

A bloodcurdling scream ripped from his throat as he realised what he'd done. The man went completely limp, blood pouring around him in a dark puddle. There was so much of it. What had he done?

Mikado's legs shook and he collapsed in a small puddle of his own urine and wailed. Sobs wracked his body violently as pain swept through his entire body. His lungs hurt from the lack of air and his body was a mess of tears and snot as he just sat there and wailed, his cries filled with such pain and suffering it was haunting.

He'd killed another person.

Mikado gasped in pain, his chest hurt now, his ribs and his stomach, they all hurt like someone was grabbing them and twisting them. The teen couldn't think, he just sat there and wailed.

He curled him, hugging his legs and buried his face in his knees. He stayed like that for a long time, rocking back and forth even as his tears ran dry, he didn't stop crying.

He really was a murderer.

Two people in one week.

He killed them.

He'd killed two brothers.

Blood, so much blood.

Why?

Why did this happen?

Mikado tried to speak, to scream but all that come out was a strange noise, it was a gravelly, rough wheeze like an old dog trying to bark and failing. How long had it been? How long had he been like this? Days? Hours? Minutes? The teen couldn't tell.

The smell of blood and urine was strong in the air. His cheeks would have flushed in shame if he could feel anything but for now, the teen just felt empty. Like a shell of human being, he sat there his eyes open but not looking at anything, they drew darker by the second.

Slowly, his body gave out and he slumped sideways, passing out from exhaustion and silently, Mikado prayed that he'd never wake u


	12. Please Don't

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya had never felt as awful as he did at this very moment. It wasn't because he was drugged, unable to move and gagged by his own underwear, no. It was because he could hear Mikado screaming, crying, begging in the other room and he could do nothing.

He could only guess what was happening to the poor teen and it made Izaya's heart wretch. He commanded his body to move, he gathered all his strength to make even one limp move an inch but body remained unresponsive and still.

Ran was yelling and screaming at the teen, telling him he was going to kill him. Fear gripped Izaya, he didn't want Mikado to die. It seemed obvious that Mikado was fighting against his attacker from his angered yelling and screaming.

Izaya wanted to scream himself. Mikado was still recovering from his last attack, he didn't need another especially by Aboa's older brother. Izaya tried to move again, he needed to move, he needed to save Mikado just like the teen had saved him.

Mikado's wails tore through the man's body, they were filled with such pain and despair it made Izaya's eyes burn with his own tears. He glared at the ceiling above him frustrated, he'd kill Izumi Ran when he could move again.

This was the man's pathetic revenge for Izaya's involvement with the incident with the Yellow Scarves two years ago. He blamed Izaya for going to jail despite he was the one who had broken Saki's legs. Izaya knew that Ran had been working as a mercenary for the Yakuza since getting out of prison and he had to pray they would allow the informant to get rid of him. He was positive the Awakusu-kai saw him more useful than Ran.

Mikado's crying was dying down now. Izaya didn't know whether it was a good thing or not. He looked towards the door as best as he could but he saw nothing. He didn't know if Ran was going to waltz in the room and finish Izaya off. He didn't know if Mikado was dead or alive.

He really hoped Mikado was alive.

Izaya didn't know how long he'd been laying there listening to Mikado sob and cry. Every second his chest seemed to hurt a bit more. How could this happen? When Ran had broken in, Izaya had tried to fight back but he had grabbed a knife with his severely burnt hand which was all but useless.

Ran had a lot more brute strength than Izaya who relied on speed and technique. So, once Izaya lost his grip on his knife, Ran had delivered a blow to the back of his head as he tried to run, within seconds that dreaded needle was sliding into his neck and within moments, Izaya couldn't move.

He had thought silently as the large man dragged him into the archive room that Mikado would be safe. He honestly thought Ran was just going to beat him to death but no, the man stripped him of his clothes.

Izaya closed his eyes painfully. He kind of had an idea of how Mikado must have felt when he was drugged and raped. Izaya had felt sick, he begged silently for someone to save him while being completely mortified as to what was happening. Mikado had saved him from being raped…but at what cost?

Tears flowed down the man's cheeks, dripping onto the floor. If the teen was dead…Izaya wouldn't know what to do. It had dawned on Izaya that he cared for Mikado a lot, probably more than any other human. And while it was impossible for the man to fall in love with any one person, he did love Mikado.

The bond and feelings they had for each other were most likely love but not the romantic kind despite their physical relationship. It was more the love you felt for a close friend. Yes, Izaya loved Mikado the most out of all his humans.

So as he lay there completely unable to do anything while the teen was most likely being brutalized and possibly murdered in the other room, his insides ripped were being apart with emotion. Fear, guilt, worry, anger, frustration, and sorrow.

Izaya tried again after what seemed to be hours, he focused all his strength and brain power on moving his right arm. He stared at the poor limb, silently screaming at it to move. After forever, his fingers twitched and his red eyes widened as he was finally able to move his fingers with much effort.

He sighed exhausted, he had gotten his arm to move. It was now resting on top of his chest. Izaya's goal was to pull his underwear out of his mouth and try to call out to Mikado but it was proving to be more difficult than he ever could have imagined. Izaya closed his eyes, he needed a break. The man desperately wanted to keep forcing himself to move but Izaya felt if he tried any harder, he'd get a nosebleed or something.

* * *

Izaya woke with a start, his body felt heavy still but he was able to move rather well. Izaya grabbed his underwear from his mouth and threw them aside with a frantic expression. He struggled to his feet, he was unsteady, swaying and stumbling over his own feet as he hurried into the main room of his apartment.

Izaya froze at the scene laid out before him. The smell of blood filled the apartment, Izumi Ran was lying dead on the floor in a large puddle of his own blood. Izaya could see the butcher's knife sticking out his stomach, it was in all the way up to the hilt. His red eyes trailed to Mikado, the teen was slumped a meter away from the body. His bottom half was completely naked, his underwear closer to Ran.

It didn't take Izaya long to piece everything together. Ran had indeed attempted to rape Mikado only to receive a knife in the eye and the stomach, effectively killing him. Izaya shakily crouched next to the teen, feeling his pulse. His skin looked grey and the man feared he was dead but his pulse was there, faint but rapid – the teen was in shock.

"Fuck, shit, Fuck." Izaya panicked struggling to his feet to grab his phone. He called the number desperately. "Hurry up. Pick up! Pick up!" he begged as the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Shinra!" Izaya cried, he sounded just as panicked and frantic as he felt.

"Izaya? What's wrong?" Shinra sounded surprised at the man's tone, not that anyone would blame him.

"Shinra, Mikado's gone into shock and I don't know what to do." Izaya blurted out, he could feel his heart in his throat. He knew shock could lead to death and he didn't want that.

"Shock? How bad is it?" Shinra asked immediately concerned

"Bad. His skin is grey, his breathing is shallow and his pulse is faint." Izaya explained quickly, he could hear Shinra basically running over the phone.

"How long has he been like that?" there was clattering on the other end as well as Shinra talking to someone, probably Celty.

"I don't know. We were attacked, I was in the other room." Izaya ran his hand through his hair as he looked down at the sickly looking teen.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Shinra said. "Just lay him down on his back, keep him warm, raise his legs and tilt his head to the side."

"Is it safe to move him?" Izaya asked unsurely and Shinra gave him an affirmative noise.

"Yes. I'm leaving now." Shinra said and with that, he hung up. Izaya quickly but gently picked up Mikado. He could smell urine on the teen, he had probably wet himself out of fear but Izaya didn't care and pulled him closer to his chest.

He carried Mikado upstairs and placed him on the bed. Izaya followed Shinra's instructions exactly, tilting his head, putting a pillow under his legs before rushing to the bathroom to get a warm towel to wipe the teen clean of blood and urine.

He gently pulled off the bloodstained hoodie dressed Mikado in the warmest pair of sweatpants and hoodie he owned, also remembering to pull some clothes on himself. Once he was done, he pulled the covers up to Mikado's chin and brushed his fringe out of his face.

"Don't you die on me Mikado…" he whispered sounding as hurt as he felt. He didn't want to leave the teen alone but there was a body downstairs with its dick out so he can to cover it with something. He grabbed a sheet from the closet and hurried downstairs.

Blood instantly soaked through the sheet when Izaya threw it over the dead man's body. He'd ring a for a clean-up later but right now his only concern was making sure Mikado would be alright. The intercom buzzed as Izaya went to go back upstairs and he ran over to answer it. It didn't occur to him that his body was no longer being affected by the drug, adrenaline had erased it in favour of his panic.

Izaya tore opened the door, stepping aside to let not only Shinra in but also Celty who was carrying some pretty worrying equipment. "Where is he?" Shinra demanded.

"Upstairs in my room." Izaya hurried, the other two following close behind. Shinra instantly went to Mikado.

"What happened?" he asked needing to know.

"Izumi Ran broke in and attacked me. He drugged me and Mikado walked in on it. Izumi went after Mikado. I think he tried to rape him but Mikado had a knife and fought back."

"Izumi Ran is what is under that sheet downstairs?" Shinra questioned turning to the equipment Celty had carried up, the dullahan looked panicked and worried for Mikado, pacing back and forth.

"Yes. Mikado killed him."

"I see. Are these bruises from his attacker?" Shinra asked as he checked the teen for physical trauma.

"No, He got beaten up by a colour gang last night." Izaya explained. "He has no new injuries apart from his nose." Izaya had checked to see if Izumi had actually forced himself inside Mikado but it seems the teen killed him before that.

"Yes. His nose is broken." Shinra said studying it. "I think he's in neurogenic shock. His brain couldn't handle what happened and snapped, sending him into shock." Shinra explained as he placed a breathing mask over the teen's mouth and nose.

"There's not much we can do but try and raise his blood pressure." Shinra commented getting a drip ready. "We can give him fluid and drugs to help." The underground doctor slid the long needle into the teen's deathly pale skin.

"Then he'll be okay?" Izaya asked hopefully and Shinra shrugged.

"I honestly don't know." Shinra murmured. "Shock is complicated. We have to keep a close eye on him and make sure he improves."

"What if he doesn't improve?" Izaya demanded and Shinra averted his eyes.

"He might die."

"What? That can't happen!" Izaya cried his red eyes widening in horror. Shinra shook his head.

"We should be able to save him but I can't guarantee he'll be the same when he wakes up…if he wakes up." Shinra admitted and Izaya blinked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he could change completely, his personality, his thought process…" Shinra trailed off. "And then he could put himself in a self-induced coma." The underground doctor stood up from the floor beside Mikado.

Izaya clenched his fists. There's no way. Mikado would wake up, he had too. "B-but he saved me." Izaya murmured and Shinra patted his shoulder trying to awkwardly comfort him.

"We'll do our best Izaya, I'm sure he'll be fine."

Izaya stood next to Mikado, looking down at him with eyes swimming with worry.

"You really care about him don't you?" Shinra said with a small smile. Izaya clenched his fists and gave a curt nod. There was a pain in his burnt left hand, he welcomed it. It made him feel grounded. Shinra sighed quietly and Izaya glanced at him.

"I have to go back to my apartment to get some medication but I should be back in half an hour."

"Alright." Izaya nodded and the doctor turned to walk away. "Shinra." he looked back at the informant. "Thank you."

Shinra smiled at him before he left, taking Celty with him.

Izaya sat on the corner of the bed and took the teen's hand gently in his own. He kissed his knuckles ever so gently. "You have to wake up Mikado…you promised to stay by my side forever." He whispered pressing the teen's limp hand to his forehead.

"Wake up…Mikado…"

"Please…hurry and wake up."


	13. Awakening

When Mikado first wakes up he doesn't open his eyes. He tries to think for a moment but his mind feels heavy and his body aches. He can hear the steady beeping of what he guesses is a heart monitor to his right.

It's odd, he doesn't remember going to the hospital. In fact, he didn't even remember falling asleep. Had there been some sort of accident? Mikado tried to remember the events leading up to him waking up but it was all a blur.

The teen knew he had to open his eyes but for some reason he couldn't bring himself too, it was like his body rejected the idea of moving in any way. Mikado could hear the faint noises of the city, cars, sirens and other random city sounds he'd come accustomed to over the last year.

He could hear footsteps echoing. Perhaps it was a nurse or something. The footsteps got closer and closer until the door opened and they came towards him.

"Hey, Mikado…it's time for your medication." A quietly sad voice informed him. Mikado knew that voice, it was Izaya's voice. What was Izaya doing here? Mikado struggled to move, to open his eyes but it was useless. He opened his mouth hoping he'd be able to speak but a strange rasp was all that echoed front his throat.

Nonetheless, it got the older man's attention. "Mikado?" he asked curiously. The teen could feel the man leaning over him, looking him over to see if he had really heard the teen speak. Emotions flooded through him at the sound of his name. He wanted to open his eyes, he wanted to see Izaya.

Slowly, painfully, Mikado opened his eyes and they met Izaya's shocked red ones. "Mikado!" Izaya's eyes welled up with tears and Mikado blinked at him in surprise. The older man threw his arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly.

Mikado felt really confused. He'd never seen Izaya cry, he'd never really seen him overly emotional either so having the informant cling to him while in tears was baffling. "You finally woke up! I was so worried!"

Mikado frowned trying to make sense of the words. Finally woke up? How long was he asleep? Why was he asleep? It dawned on him like a ton of bricks.

Aoba.

Aoba's supposed brother.

He'd killed both of them.

Mikado rested his chin on Izaya's shoulder, not having the strength to hug him back even though he wanted too. He didn't know how to feel. He'd killed two people but somehow it seemed like a lifetime ago, his memories were all blurry and he couldn't quite grasp the details of what had happened.

"I….za…ya." Mikado rasped his throat painfully dry. "H…ow….lo…ng?" he struggled to speak but Izaya understood. The older man pulled back to look at him in the eye.

"You've been in a coma for almost two weeks Mikado." Izaya said wiping away the remaining tears on his face. Mikado was shocked, he'd been out of it for two weeks? Why? He didn't remember getting fatally injured. "Your body went into shock and shut down." Izaya brushed the hair out of his face with a soft expression.

Mikado cleared his throat ignoring the pain. "You…looked….after me?" he struggled and Izaya nodded.

"Of course I did Mikado. You saved my life." The informant smiled and Mikado blinked in confusion. He had saved Izaya's life? When? How?

"The man that attacked me…he would have killed me." Izaya explained and Mikado thought. That's right, Aoba's brother had been after Izaya hadn't he? He'd saved the informant from being raped and murdered.

It was terrible but a small smile spread across the teen's lips. He'd saved Izaya just like the man had saved him. He didn't really feel any real guilt over the death of their attacker, Mikado didn't know him, he'd never met him – not like Aoba.

"Izumi Ran was a scumbag anyway." Izaya shrugged, worried the teen would be upset about it. Mikado wasn't though, he felt surprisingly impassive about it. Even after hearing his name, Mikado felt no remorse.

"How do you feel?" Izaya asked tenderly, changing the subject. The teen felt weak and he hurt all over but he smiled at the older man.

"I feel…alright." Speaking had gotten a bit easier but he wasn't completely back to normal.

"That's great." Izaya smiled. "I came in to give you some medication and change your bandages." The man explained getting up from the bed. "But I think I'll call Shinra to let him you're awake." He chirped happily getting up from the bed and leaving the room.

Mikado felt much colder without Izaya beside him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Everything that had happened seemed surreal. He never imagined killing people…though he seemed to pass off Ran's death nonchalantly, his mind focused on Aoba.

Mikado's memories of the teen were blurry and he couldn't clearly remember his face or voice. He didn't feel panicked by that though, he felt at ease. He didn't have to be haunted by memories of Aoba anymore.

Izaya soon returned to the room with a soft smile. "Shinra will come by to check on you soon," the informant said. The teen was startled by the tender look in the older male's red eyes. He was positive they hadn't been like that before. What had changed? Izaya had said Mikado saved his life but the look in his eyes wasn't gratitude, the teen couldn't place it.

Izaya helped the teen sit up and unwrapped the gauze around his burnt hand and Mikado looked at it curiously. The blisters were gone and the skin was no longer bright red and weeping, now it was a pinker colour – it had healed a lot.

Mikado didn't know what to say. He didn't know if anything needed to be said. He felt empty but in an almost content way. His feelings were shallow and he felt as if they were muted as he watched Izaya work. The teen noticed he felt no pain while Izaya worked and he smiled at the gently working man.

His rope wounds and bruises were healed as well leaving nothing but a few scabs here and there. "Izaya…I can't thank you enough for this." the teen whispered huskily with a small smile and Izaya looked up at him. "Not only did you help me with everything else but you cared for me and let me stay in your bed for two weeks."

"It's nothing Mikado." Izaya replied gently holding the teen's now gauzed up his hand. "I…had a lot of time to come to terms with things whilst you were asleep." The man's smile was almost sad. "I realised I wouldn't know what to do if I had lost you." He looked deep into Mikado's eyes and the teen blinked in surprise.

"You are the only person that doesn't hold any resentment for me. In this entire world, Mikado…you're the only one that actually likes me as a person." His voice was breathy and full of emotion. Mikado could feel his heart clench and speed up. Why did this sound like a confession?

"If I lost you…I'd be alone again…" the man murmured and Mikado reached out to cup the man's cheek with his other hand, his thumb stroking the soft skin.

"I'm sorry Izaya, I didn't want you to feel this way." Mikado smiled comfortingly even though his voice was raspy like that of a heavy smoker. Izaya had been afraid, he was scared of Mikado dying. They'd always been close but their bond had grown so strong during the recent events that Mikado felt as if Izaya was an extension of his very soul.

Izaya leaned forward at the same time Mikado did and their lips met in a tender kiss. It was full of emotion but at the same time, soft and affectionate. They stayed like that for a moment, their lips moving together in sync, neither of them deepened the kiss, satisfied with the almost innocence of it.

They pulled back when the loud buzzing of the intercom filled the apartment. "That will be Shinra." Izaya breathed his lips barely an inch from Mikado's.

"Mhm." Mikado hummed reluctant to let Izaya go. The peaceful feeling that filled his body when the man was close was intoxicating, it was like he could melt into a warm puddle of content happiness. He could close his eyes and trust Izaya with everything he was.

Izaya finally pulled away then the buzzing got impatient. Mikado sighed deeply, watching the man leave the room. He could hear the informant greet the underground doctor and their footsteps as they came back upstairs.

"Hello, Ryugamine-san. How are you feeling?" Shinra greeted with a big smile and Mikado nodded.

"I'm feeling good, thank you." The teen replied politely, his throat feeling dry and scratchy.

"That's wonderful. Let's get you checked up okay?" the underground doctor treated him gently as he checked the teen's heart rate and blood pressure. As the blood pressure reader tightened around the teen's arm he blinked.

He looked down at the band confused. Usually, when it reached its maximum tightness it was a little painful if not uncomfortable but the teen could feel it. Mikado's brow furrowed which caught Izaya's attention.

"What's wrong?" the man questioned curiously making Shinra also look up at him.

"I…I can't feel the band around my arm." He admitted making the two older males frown and look at each other. When the underground doctor was finished with the test he took hold of the teen's upper arm, squeezing it slightly.

"Can you feel this?" he asked his brown eyes narrowing behind his glasses.

"Yes." Mikado watched as Shinra's grip on his arm got tighter. He kept asking if he could feel it and the teen replied truthfully. He could feel it all until suddenly, in an instant he didn't feel anything anymore.

"I can't feel it anymore." The teen shook his head and the doctor looked conflicted, confused even. Izaya bit his thumbnail and hovered over the two, unable to settle. Mikado looked up at him, he looked worried.

"What's wrong Shinra?" the informant asked though his voice was kind of strained. Shinra pushed up his glasses.

"I'm not sure. I'd like to test something Ryugamine-kun, is that okay?" Shinra asked a serious look on his face. Mikado nodded becoming worried. He waited nervously wondering what the man would do.

Shinra pinched his shoulder.

But the teen felt no pain.

Shinra's fingers pinched all down his arm and then moved onto his torso. "Izaya-kun, can you test the bottom of his body?" He asked and Izaya nodded carefully pulling back the covers to grab one of the teen's feet.

They pinched and prodded the teen's body making him very uncomfortable. "You don't feel any pain?" Shinra stated in confusion but it sounded more like a question. "Your body surely being hurt but for some reason, it seems the pain receptors connected to your nerves aren't reacting."

"Can something like that even happen?" Mikado asked in disbelief and Shinra frowned.

"There have been rare cases of people being born with no sense of pain but I'm not sure someone's body has ever suddenly decided not to feel anymore." The underground doctor sighed.

"What does this mean?" Izaya practically demanded and Mikado looked up at him in surprise. His expression was almost desperate.

"Izaya…" Mikado murmured. The man was so worried about him, he was so concerned and it was touching to the teen. Making his heart flutter and his chest feel warm with emotion.

"Well, there are no immoralities in his heart rate, breathing or blood pressure anymore so the shock as cleared. I'm going to take a blood test too but…it seems his brain has turned off his pain receptors." Shinra tried to explain but he didn't really understand either, he was just guessing.

"How…?" Mikado murmured looking down at his hands. His mind had shut off physical pain? Why? Sure, he'd been injured but ninety percent of his pain had been emotional. Did this really happen to people? The teen suddenly thought of another person that wasn't really affected by pain – Heiwajima Shizuo.

But Heiwajima Shizuo was a force of nature, he was superhuman and Mikado was just…well, Mikado. He might have been the leader of the Dollars and been in charge of the Blue Squares but he was weak, he wasn't super strong or gifted - he was truly nothing special.

"I would say that your brain was overloaded with the amount of pain you were in emotionally and shut down your physical receptors to keep you sane. In a sense, your mind was on the verge of breaking and saved itself."

"Will the effects be permeant?" Izaya asked touching the teen shoulder as a way to show Mikado he was there for him. The touch relaxed the teen who wanted nothing more than to sink into Izaya's comforting touch but he restrained due to Shinra being there.

"I'm not sure. I think only time will tell…" Shinra said his brow furrowed as he looked at Mikado who stared back. "You'll have to be very careful though. Pain is your body's way of telling you it's in danger. Without pain, you could be fatally injured and not even realise." Shinra warned morbidly and Mikado's eyes widened.

So he wouldn't be able to tell if he was even dying? He could get stabbed or shot and not feel a thing? It sounded like a nightmare. The teen zoned out while the two older men spoke. He tried to wrap his head around the fact that he might not ever feel pain again. Some people would see it as a blessing but Mikado was just stressing over how dangerous it was.

"Mikado said that his memories of the incident are blurry." Izaya's words broke Mikado out of his thoughts and Shinra sighed.

"That's probably a good thing. His mind is trying cope with everything that happened in the best way it could. Plus, such an event is probably best forgotten." Shinra said his voice surprisingly bitter.

Mikado wonder if the informant had told his friend what had truly happened. That Ran had drugged Izaya and tried to rape them both. Perhaps the man even knew about Aoba, though Mikado would rather no one knew what had happened to him. The teen didn't feel sadness or pain when he thought about it, his mind was thinking about it in a rather methodical way.

"I imagine your body will be quite weak after being in a coma for twelve days." Shinra commented as he finished taking the teen's blood. "You'll need to regain your strength." The underground doctor's eyes glanced at Izaya. "I'll see you some exercises via email." He packed everything away in his case.

"As for food. I would keep it light - soups, porridges and the like, until your bowels start moving again." The man gave the teen a bright smile. "I think I'll keep you on fluids and nutrients for a little while longer."

Mikado glanced at the IV in his arm and nodded. He had been taken off the heart monitor, it was now powered down and pushed into a corner so the doctor could retrieve it when he had proper transport.

"Thank you for everything Kishitani-san." Mikado managed to give the doctor a small bow and the older man smiled.

"Yeah, thank you Shinra." Izaya gave the man a genuine smile and Shinra chuckled at his friend's newfound kindness. Mikado was incredibly grateful to the doctor as he knew without him, he would most likely be dead. The teen didn't know if he had much to live for anymore, but he still found himself happy to be alive.

"I'll walk you out." Izaya suggested standing up from the bed. Mikado watched the two men leave and settled into the pillows again. He felt exhausted which was confusing as he'd been asleep for almost two weeks.

The teen would feel his eyes grow heavy and he couldn't stop them as they slid shut and his body pulled him into the lull of an actual sleep. At that very moment, he felt content and safe.

Everything would surely be okay.


	14. Outside

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya was happy that the teen was getting better. He was eating and could stand on his own. He was a bit shaky on his legs so Izaya had gotten him some elbow crutches much to the teen's distaste. Mikado was doing fine physically but mentally Izaya wasn't so sure.

His fingers gently combed through Mikado's soft hair. The teen had fallen asleep in his arms once again – not that he was complaining despite it only being early in the afternoon. Izaya gazed at the teen's sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, so innocent.

It had been three weeks since Mikado had woken up and five weeks since the death of Kuronuma Aoba and Izumi Ran. Izaya was so happy when the teen woke up, seeing Mikado lay there for days on end, not moving, not responding or opening his eyes hurt the man more than he'd like to admit.

But when the teen woke up, he was different. His bright azure eyes that had sparkled like jewels were now a stormy gunmetal colour that was flat and dark, it wrenched Izaya's heart every time he looked into them remembering how they used to be.

Mikado was also detached from basically everything. He had no interest in going outside, in going back to school, in looking at his phone which was flooded with concerns, he was perfectly content with curling up on the couch with a book, day in and day out. It concerned Izaya a lot.

He could understand if the teen didn't want to go back to his life in gang business but not wanting to see his friends or go to school was something else. Izaya's hand trailed from the boy's hair, down his shoulder and traced his ribs and waist. He'd lost a lot of weight whilst in a coma, he looked unhealthy.

Izaya had been making meals more the teen, he'd make breakfast, lunch, and dinner but Mikado didn't eat much. Shinra had suggested that his stomach had shrunk while he was asleep. Izaya prayed that's all it was and not some sort of eating disorder.

The informant let out a long sigh, in the background the movie they were meant to be watching played but he didn't even notice it. He wanted Mikado to go outside, he knew the teen was probably scared but he was on the way to becoming a total recluse and that wasn't a healthy lifestyle.

But Izaya had seen the flyers. The missing posters for Kuronuma Aoba all over the city. The man knew they were from his family and friends as the police were not interesting in looking for some brat that suddenly disappeared – they had better things to do than look for what they thought was a runaway.

Izaya stared at his bandaged hand. The burns were mostly closed up now but the skin was so thin it hurt to have it exposed to the open air. Then bandaged the now autumn air hurt it to the point Izaya was considering buying gloves.

He was worried, stressing over Mikado constantly. He'd never been so concerned for someone in his entire life, not even his own family. But there was just something deep inside him that screamed that he had to help Mikado. He wanted Mikado to be happy, he loved Mikado. Mikado meant so much to him and he didn't want Mikado to leave. It was like Mikado was a part of him, one he couldn't stand to let be destroyed.

Izaya looked down at the sleeping boy once again, his face set in a determined expression. "When you wake up we're going to Ikebukuro." He told the teen sternly. "It's for your own good." He'd never let anything happened to Mikado, he'd stay by the teen's side loyally.

Mikado was the one that made saved his life. If it wasn't for him...Izaya would have been violated, brutalized before succumbing to a violent and extraordinarily painful death. Izaya owned the teen his life.

As Izaya suspected, Mikado protested heavily to the idea of going outside, he made up every possible excuse but the man wasn't having it. He waited with his arms crossed with a determined expression on his face for the teen to get the idea that this was not a suggestion.

Mikado gave up and let Izaya pick out some clothes for him. The teen had gotten so small that Izaya's old clothes from high school were even a little too big for him. He dressed the teen in a pair of black distressed jeans (hems rolled up), a dark green shirt and a dark grey waist length cardigan that the man was pretty sure made for a girl (it was a gift). He topped it all off with a warm brown knitted scarf as he worried the teen would be cold in the changing air.

"Maybe I should become a fashion designer." Izaya joked and Mikado smiled.

"Maybe you should. You're really good at picking out clothes." The teen admired himself in the mirror. He'd never dressed so stylish before. Izaya handed the teen his clutches with a warm smile.

"I know you're nervous but I promise nothing will happen to you. I'll be there by your side the entire time." he played with a long of Mikado's inky black hair. It had grown longer, it framed his face much better now, softening his altogether look. Mikado's grey eyes looked conflicted as they looked at each other, silently expressing their emotions.

"Come one. The taxi will be here soon." Izaya said softly and Mikado nodded following him slowly, the sound of his crutches hitting floorboards all too familiar.

When they arrived in the heart of Ikebukuro, Mikado didn't really want to get out of the car.

"Mikado. Come one now…" Izaya murmured holding open the door. "I'm right here, nothing will happen." He promised and Mikado looked at him, his grey eyes stormy with confliction. Izaya gave the teen a sweet smile and coaxed him out of the backseat of the cab. The taxi driver watched them with a smile, he was a considerate man.

Izaya breathed in the air of the city and smiled at Mikado who was looking around in wonder as if it was the first time he'd ever seen it. "See? It's alright." Izaya smiled, ignoring the people who were clicking their tongue and giving them rude glances for standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Let's go to Russia Sushi yeah?" Izaya walked at the teen's pace. He was patient, smiling at the teen who walked slowly on his crutches. Izaya was brimming with happiness, the teen didn't look scared or then worried as they slowly made their way towards the sushi restaurant.

He was so proud of Mikado. He felt like a proud mother or something. It was so nice to see the teen's eyes light up again. They remained that dark gunmetal colour but gained some sparkle. Izaya knew that coming to Ikebukuro meant there was a high chance of running into someone they knew.

Izaya deemed most people okay to interact with the fragile teen. But he imagined Mikado might have grown adverse to Kyohei and his gang because of their actions the last time they'd seen them. Izaya wondered if it was just because they had tried to hurt Izaya or also because they were a reminder of the Dollars.

If the teen disliked them because Kyohei had tried to punch Izaya, then would Mikado also come to dislike Shizuo? He didn't really want to meet the man to find out.

A familiar horse-like whiny tore through the air and the couple saw Celty riding down the road. Izaya hadn't see her much, Shinra had said that she was having a hard time seeing Mikado the way he was, not that the informant really blamed her, it was extremely hard to see someone you cared about in pain as Izaya had learned over the past month.

The dullahan spotted them pulled over. Izaya and Mikado waited for her to approach them, furiously typing on her PDA. She stopped about half a meter away from them, Izaya blinked as he realised her focus was on Mikado.

"Hello Celty-!" Mikado started to greet her with the same politeness he always had but the dullahan pulled him into a tight hug, her shoulders shaking. Izaya watched them with a small smile. He couldn't judge others of their reaction of Mikado's awakening as Izaya had also cried.

Izaya chuckled at the teen's startled expression, he struggled to keep a hold of his crutches and return her affections. Celty soon pulled back out of the hug and held up her PDA.

[ **I'm so happy to see you! How are you feeling? Are you okay? Is it okay for you to be walking around like this?** ] Izaya imagined her voice to be frantic, not stopping once to even take a breath between words.

"It's good to see you too. I feel good, I'm getting better. Izaya says it's good to use my legs so I can get used to them again." The teen answered all of her questions with a slight smile, his voice was almost too polite like he was speaking to a stranger but Izaya was unsure if Celty noticed.

[ **Where you guys headed?** ] The headless woman asked curiously.

"Russia Sushi," Izaya replied drawing her attention. "Say, you having seen you-know-who anywhere have you?" he asked quietly

[ **You mean Shizuo?** ] Celty clicked quickly and Izaya nodded.

"Yeah, I don't want any trouble right now." The man said, surprising the dullahan. He didn't want Mikado to get caught in the crossfire of one of their fights and he swore to stay beside the teen the entire time.

[ **No, I haven't seen him. I think he's collecting debts on the east side today.** ] the woman replied, Izaya imagined if she had her head – she'd be smiling.

"That's good. We should get going Mikado-" Izaya went to glance over at the teen to see that he was no longer beside him. Panic filled him for a moment before he noticed he was but two meters away, staring at a pole. Izaya grimaced, he had an idea what the teen was looking at.

"I'll see you later Celty-san." Izaya politely excused himself with a smile before joining Mikado. Posted there on the pole was one of Kuronuma Aoba's missing posters. He tried to grasp the teen's expression but his face was blank, there was no pain, no guilt, no regret just…nothing. Izaya didn't know how to feel, he couldn't decide what was better – Mikado torturing himself over Aoba or not feeling anything.

"Come on Mikado, let's keep going." Izaya murmured softly putting his hand on the teen's waist to pull him away from the poster. Mikado let himself be moved and they continued walking. Izaya watched Mikado closely, worried he might break down but he didn't, his face remained rested until they reached Russia Sushi.

"Eat sushi. Sushi good. We make fresh from daily! We no use bad meat!" Simon's usual terrible ushering met their ears. "Eat sushi! Sushi make you happy! Oh! Hello-o Iza-ya and Mi-kado!" the man greeted them with a wide smile.

"Hello, Simon." Izaya greeted pleasantly noticing how the large man's eyes studied Mikado with concern.

"Mi-kado…ok?" he asked his expression seriously concerned. "Sick?" he questioned looking down at Izaya's threateningly.

"Yes, I'm sick. I'm getting better though." Mikado's soft voice broke through the tension. "Izaya's been looking after me." The teen smiled up at the large man who looked relieved.

" _Is this true Izaya? I haven't seen him around for some time, do you remember what I said last time?"_ the man said in his native tongue, his eyes searching the informant for answers.

" _He truly has been unwell. It wasn't me who did this to him though, he saved my life."_ Izaya replied honestly and Mikado looked at him concerned. He didn't like the fact they were talking about him in a language he didn't understand.

_"Then who did do this to such an innocent boy?"_

_"It doesn't matter anymore. They have been_ _ **dealt**_ _with."_ Izaya said narrowing his eyes, empathising his words to really get the message across. He rubbed circles on the small of Mikado's waist to comfort him as he felt the teen becoming uncomfortable.

"You eat sushi then? Sushi good for body and soul." The man smiled warmly at Mikado his serious expression completely gone from his face. The teen looked at Izaya, his eyes asking all sorts of questions.

"We'd love some Sushi Simon." He agreed with a nod.

"Good! Good!" the large Russian man led them inside.

"See, it's not bad being outside is it?" Izaya smiled at the teen who nodded, though his eyes were concentrating on his feet as he stepped over the doorway of Russia Sushi. Izaya waited patiently, a tender smile on his face.

"Well done. That was quite the doorway." Izaya ruffled the teen's inky locks once he'd done it. Mikado smiled and ducked his head, slightly embarrassed. "You can rest your legs when we sit down." They turned to face the shop and they both froze as their eyes laid on a certain table.

"Ryugamine-kun…?" Sonohara Anri stood up from where she was sitting at a table with Kyohei and his gang.

Izaya suddenly regretted his earlier comment, maybe being outside wasn't so good after all. As he looked into the shocked faces of the people around him and his stomach churned with dread.


	15. Out in the Open

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

Everything had been going so well. He had been afraid to go outside but it was quite refreshing once he was out. It had been a little confronting seeing Aoba's missing poster but he'd been able to handle it. It had been nice to see Celty, even Simon seemed to welcome him back.

However, he didn't know if he could handle the person standing in front of him. Anri was probably the number one person he hadn't wanted to see. He knew that she had to been worrying about him and he'd sent her a text saying he was alright when he'd woken up but meeting her face to face – it was unexpectedly awful.

The teen looked at the ground, unable to look at her face, into her large grey eyes. He wished the ground would open up and swallow him. He wondered if running into the street and getting  _hit_ by a truck would be better than facing Anri right now.

"R-Ryugamine-kun?" Anri sounded concerned now, he could feel her eyes all over her body and for the first time since he'd woken up from his coma, he felt  _dirty,_ his skin crawled and he could feel how utterly disgusting he was. How in the world was he meant to interact with her now? After all that had happened, he was a different person.

"Mikado…" Izaya's worried murmur was nothing more than a whisper. Mikado wanted to bury his face in the older man's chest. He'd be able to hide there, Izaya would protect him, he'd know what to do. The teen bit his lip not knowing what to do, he could look up, nor could he speak.

"What happened to you?" Anri asked gently, "You've been missing for four weeks."

"He was sick." Izaya spoke up knowing the teen was unable to speak for the moment. Mikado clenched his hands into fists, digging his nails into the skin but he couldn't feel the pain anymore. It was like a hole had opened inside his stomach, it was twisting and turning with the cold feeling of dread.

"What are you doing with Ryugamine-kun?" Anri's voice was cold and curt. Mikado peered at her through his long fringe, barely able to look at her face. "What did you do?" her voice was like ice, threatening. Mikado's breath stuttered, his chest was becoming tight and he didn't know what else to do but stand there, the slight shaking of his shoulders went mostly unnoticed by those around him.

"For the last time, I didn't do anything to him." Izaya said annoyed and Mikado looked at him. The older man met his eyes, his expression softening. Mikado wanted to reach out for him, he wanted the security that Izaya was real, standing next to him. He wanted to disappear back to the man's apartment where he was safe, there was no one accusing him of anything, where there was no impossible to answer questions.

"I don't believe you." Anri said coldly and Mikado glanced at her noticing her eyes taking on a slightly red hue to them.

"Stop it." Mikado mumbled quietly, his hands still shaking. He looked at the wooden floor, his eyes burning with tears.

"Ryugamine-kun…?" Anri trailed off and Mikado shook his head.

"I-I told you I was fine…" he breathed shakily,

"You're obviously not fine." Anri protested and Mikado sighed, he felt like the room was spinning, he was going to vomit. A bitter chuckle escaped his lips as he shook his head once again.

"That's true, but it's none of your business." He ducked his head. Hair covering his eyes as he avoided looking anywhere but the floor, he didn't want to see her face, her reaction to his words.

"I thought we were friends." Her voice was hurt and confused, Mikado felt guilty but he knew it was for the best. He was a murderer, he was filthy and broken, he couldn't be friends with her like this. He didn't want anyone to have to be friends with what he was now.

"Things…change." Mikado murmured, it was a lame and weak excuse but what was he meant to tell her 'hey, no. I was raped and brutally killed two people so I think its best we're not friends anymore?'

"Is this your doing? What did you do to him?" Anri demanded turning to Izaya and Mikado raised his arm to block her from his companion who looked at him in surprise.

"No, Izaya is the only reason I'm still alive at all. He saved me." He looked up for the first time, looking right into Anri's eyes, they were stern and determined.

"What do you mean?" the girl asked confused and Mikado took a deep breath.

"It doesn't matter."

"Ryugamine-kun…you can talk to us." Anri said her voice softening and the group behind her nodded and Mikado looked away, clenching his teeth. They had no idea what they were talking about, he could talk to anyone, the only person he could talk to was Izaya. He didn't want anyone else to know what had happened to Aoba, what Aoba had done to him. He was ashamed and he wanted to lock it away forever.

"No. I can't." Mikado stated bitterly. "I know you and everyone else are trying to help but you can't, so stop trying because you're just making things so much worse." He looked up his tone was harsh and cold. The group before him looked hurt and shocked.

"Mikado…" Izaya murmured wrapping his arm around the teen's shoulders. The teen could feel all the questions Izaya was trying to ask him. Is he sure he wanted to speak to them this way? He could lose them, does he really want that? Is he okay?

Mikado looked up at Izaya, he was so important to the teen. Before they were just sex friends, people with similar interests, a teenage gang leader and an informant who surprisingly got along. They looked at each other, words and emotions flowing silently between them.

Mikado took a deep sigh. "Listen, I'm sorry. A lot of things have happened in the last four weeks and I need time." Mikado said quietly. "As Izaya said, I'm sick."

"I-is it some sort of illness?" Anri asked almost fearfully and Mikado smiled bitterly.

"I guess it is."

"He's gotten over the worst of it." Izaya interjected politely. "You could say he is in recovery now but it's a painful process, it's going to take a long time."

"I-it's not fatal or anything right?" Erika spoke up for the first time and Mikado thought for a moment.

"It's my job to make sure it doesn't get that bad." Izaya murmured with a small smile, Mikado could feel the hand on his shoulder tighten as Izaya pulled him closer. Mikado looked at the ground once again, there were so many emotions inside him.

He was meant to be in Izaya's debt but he was only straining the man. Izaya now had to look after him, care for him when Mikado was meant to be doing that for him. He had to get better, he had to get better so he could be useful to Izaya again.

"But why you of all people? It doesn't make sense." Kyohei commented frowning and Mikado bit his lip. He'd called Izaya because he was the one with connections, he was the one who dealt with things like murder and dead bodies when it came to yakuza or whoever.

"Izaya and I have been close for a while now." Mikado blurted out not knowing what else to say. He could feel everyone's eyes on him. "We're pretty good friends actually." Mikado didn't know if he'd call what they were friends anymore, it felt deeper than that.

"What? Since when?" Anri asked surprised and Mikado could feel his hands grow clammy. There were too many eyes on him, they were sharp, piercing him in a way that made it feel as they were looking into his soul. As if they could see all the horrible things he was made of.

"Hm~ probably from the first time we slept together." Izaya said casually with a bright smile. Mikado's face went bright red, he looked at the man in alarm. There was a moment of mute horror as everyone stared at them in shock.

"What the fuck!" Kyohei exclaimed his eyes wide. Mikado stood there feeling as if his stomach was on the floor.

Did…Did Izaya really just tell everyone they'd been sleeping with each other? What the actual fuck was he thinking!? Mikado felt naked, so exposed. It was too much, he couldn't take it. He wanted to run away and hide forever.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Walker exclaimed shaking his head, "He has to be lying!" he protested and the others nodded their head. Erika seemed to be in deep thought about god knows what and Mikado couldn't bear to look Anri in the face.

Mikado seriously wondered if he should have stayed in a coma as he covered his face with his hands. He felt ashamed, embarrassed and almost betrayed. Izaya had always sworn to keep their relationship secret and now it was out for everyone to see like some sort of horrid car crash.

"Are you all really that shocked?" Izaya asked amusedly,

"Of course they are you moron!" Mikado cried outraged, hitting the man in the ribs with enough effort to force the air out of Izaya's lungs. "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"What~? Come on, it's easier this way! We won't have to make excuses or anything!" Izaya whined rubbing his side like Mikado's hit actually hurt, the teen hoped it did.

"Y-y-you're dating him?" Anri stuttered her voice all but a whisper and Mikado opened his mouth to protest but the man next to him cut him off.

"Yup~!" Izaya chirped pulling Mikado to his chest. "That's why I'm the best person to look after him."

Mikado blinked as it all started to make more sense. Oh, now he got it. Izaya was looking to justify their new relationship. They were always going to be together now no matter what happened. It would make more sense to others if they thought they were dating or something alike.

It still made him uncomfortable, surely there was a better way to go about it. Was he actually dating Izaya now? The teen grimaced. He felt like the title was wrong for their relationship.

But then again, any title they gave it seemed wrong.

"Ryugamine-kun, is this true?" Anri turned to him and he glanced at her through his fringe and swallowed heavily.

"Uh, um, I guess you could call it that?" he stuttered awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "W-we've never put a title to it."

Mikado's eyes lowered to the ground as he felt his insides turn cold, he didn't…this didn't feel right at all. He felt sick, the concept of dating Izaya made him feel guilty. Made him feel like he was doing something terrible, something he really shouldn't be doing.

' _Sempai, I love you!_ '

Mikado's eye widened as Aoba's voice rang clear in his head. Why? He hadn't remembered the teen's voice since he'd woken up. Mikado's mouth watered threatening, he felt like he was going to vomit. No, he could never date anyone, not even Izaya. He was too filthy, used up and violated like a cheap whore. He could never be in a relationship with someone, it would be a terrible thing to do to them.

"Mikado?" Izaya's concerned voice sounded distant - like the man was far away.

"I'm okay." Mikado said emotionlessly his eyes blank. "I guess I'm a bit tired." He looked at the man with a forced smile but he knew that Izaya could see right through it. But the older man didn't say anything, he just gave a concerned smile.

"Alright, how about we get some sushi and take it back home?" Izaya rubbed his back trying to comfort him. "Would you like that?"

"Mhm. Yes, Izaya." He nodded. He gave weak goodbyes to the group who still looked a bit frazzled by what Izaya had revealed. They told him to look after himself and threatened Izaya to look after him.

Mikado followed Izaya out of the store, his mind elsewhere. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and go to sleep for a while. Maybe in his sleep, he'd find some peace.

Izaya hailed them a cab and helped Mikado inside, his expression was concerned, worried. The teen knew he'd want to talk when they got home. "Alright, all good?" Izaya smiled once he was in the car.

"Yes." Mikado nodded, Izaya opened his mouth to say something when a familiar and threatening roar echoed through the street.

"IZAAAYYYAAAA!"

It seemed that their trip outside was only getting worse. Mikado closed his eyes and sighed.

He just wanted this day to be over.


	16. What are You? Jealous?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why the rage over my relationship status Shizu-chan?" He taunted looking down at the blond with a victorious smirk. "Jealous or something~?"

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Heiwajima Shizuo's war cry made Izaya tense, it always did. His mind throbbed with contempt and adrenaline flowed through his veins in preparation for a fight. But this time was different, Izaya didn't turn around as soon as Shizuo roared, his red eyes focused on Mikado's tired face and sighed in a way that felt like a defeat.

What exactly was Izaya meant to do? Did he turn around and fight like usual? Leave Mikado to wait in the taxi? Tell him to go home and stay there? Izaya pursed his lips, could he climb into the car and escape from Shizuo. No, he couldn't do that. It wasn't in his nature to ignore Shizuo, it would leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

He could though, he could do it for Mikado. There was the familiar screech of metal and Izaya didn't have to look to know that the blond beast had ripped something from the ground and was stalking towards him.

"Mikado." He murmured and the teen opened his dull eyes, staring into Izaya's very soul with that dark blankness that made the man's chest ache. Those eyes were asking the very question he was thinking.

'What are you going to do?'

"Izaya! Didn't I tell you to stay the fuck outta Ikebukuro!?" Shizuo snarled, from the sound of his voice the man was uncomfortably close. Izaya sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He opened them and leaned forward, pressing his lips onto Mikado's, the teen's eyes widened in surprise at the soft kiss.

Izaya pulled back, a tender smile on his face. "Go home and wait for me, I won't be too long." He murmured, pressing some money into the teen's hand. He stood up straight and closed the door of the car.

Mikado still looked stunned over the kiss as the taxi drove away and he watched it disappear out of sight before turning to face his enemy. Izaya blinked at the man's expression, he looked utterly shocked, his mouth was slack and his amber eyes were wide.

Izaya smirked at the man as he usually did, trying to push the teen out of his mind. He'd kissed him more to distract him than anything, he knew that Mikado was adverse to those who tried to hurt him and he didn't want him to interfere. Shizuo was his enemy alone.

Plus, the chance Mikado would be seriously injured was much higher than the teen actually doing any good in a fight against the monster before him.

"What's wrong Shizu-chan? Did what little brains you have finally leak out of your ears?" Izaya sneered at the man who slowly blinked like a sloth, his focus soon returned and he snarled at the informant.

"Izaya" he growled deep in his throat, "What the fuck was that huh!?" he yelled violently taking a step closer, Izaya kept the smirk on his face even as he expertly moved his knife into his right hand.

"My, I don't know what you mean~ I don't speak monster so you're going to have to be a bit clearer." He grinned though he knew exactly what the blond was referring too. He was talking about his kiss with Mikado, it was amusing to see the man so outraged over it. He didn't know exactly why but there was any number of reasons.

"You know exactly what I mean flea!" Shizuo roared raising the stop sign in his hand in an effort to hit the informant but of course - he missed, as always as Izaya danced out of the way. He laughed at the man, amused by his violent rage.

Izaya took off running, or more prancing down the street, innocent bystanders scattered out of the way, scared of falling victim to a stray knife or vending machine. It had been ages since Izaya had fought with Shizuo, he'd been keeping a low profile since the incident with Mikado.

He'd also taken the blame with the Awakusu-Kai for Izumi's death, stating to Shiki that he'd been the one to kill him out of self-defense when he attacked him. They weren't impressed but basically shrugged it off in the end. Izaya wasn't so sure if they would have been so generous with Mikado.

Izaya's smirk slipped into a frown as he realised he was already short of breath. The mixture of not enough sleep and lack of exercise lately was wearing him down. He ran into an alleyway noticing that Shizuo's footsteps were getting closer and closer.

Izaya could feel the panic set in, the anxiety of being caught by the beast. He'd surely show him no mercy, perhaps he'd really kill him and if that were to happen…what would happen to Mikado?

' _Izaya…would_ n't _it be better if I died?_ ' Mikado's heart-wrenching words echoed through his mind. No, he could let anything happen to Mikado! He'd promised to carry the weight with him, to face what had happened together and Mikado - Mikado had put what little trust he had left in him to Izaya and Izaya couldn't bear to break it.

Red eyes widened at the sight of a fire escape further ahead and he gave one last burst of speed using up what was left of his energy to run and jump towards the ladder with his hands outstretched, his fingers barely brushed across the metal before an unforgiving hand grabbed his hood with an iron grip and pulled him back to earth.

"No!" the words escaped him before he could stop them, even to him they sounded desperate and filled with terror. Izaya tried to shrug off his beloved jacket in a last ditch effort to escape but Shizuo threw him into the wall, holding the informant by the neck, unable to reach the ground Izaya hung loosely in Shizuo's hands, his red eyes wide with disbelief.

"Ha! I finally caught you! I finally fucking caught you!" Shizuo roared in triumph, a feral grin on his face his eyes blazing with anger behind his blue shades. Izaya tried to hide it, he tried to force his usual smirk on his face but he couldn't. This feeling, the same feeling he had when he lay there motionless as Izumi stripped him and told him all the thing he was going to do to him.

Izaya couldn't hide his fear of dying, he'd come too close the last time.

"So now that I've got you…" Shizuo growled his grip around Izaya's neck tightening in a way that made the informant bite his lip to stop a fearful whimper from escaping. "You're gonna tell me what that crap back there was. What the fuck were you doin' with that kid huh, Izaya!?" the blond slammed the other man back backing his head kick the bricks behind him.

Why was Shizuo so caught up on him kissing Mikado? Did he think it was another one of his evil schemes? Izaya bet he did, he accused the informant of being up to no good no matter what he was doing. "What does it matter to you Shizu-chan?" Izaya rasped, struggling to speak with a hand threateningly tight around his neck.

Shizuo blinked for a moment as if his mind had gone blank, though, to Izaya that wasn't a big surprise. There was a moment of tense silence as Shizuo clenched his jaw making the veins under his skin pop. "I swear to god if you're up to something with that damn kid then I will spatter your brains over this fuckin' wall right now." He snarled his voice deep and dark with promise.

Izaya thought about his options, fear was still coursing through and he didn't know how long his flimsy smug act was going to last. He was sure Shizuo could feel him shaking. He honestly didn't know what to say, did he taunt the man? Tell the truth? Ugh, he didn't want to have a heart-to-heart with this monster.

"…whatever is going on is none of your business." Izaya said as haughtily as he could.

"It is if you're causing trouble in my city!" Shizuo snapped his grip around Izaya's neck tightening to the point the informant couldn't breathe. Izaya's eyes bludged and his hand reached up to claw at the blond's hand, trying fruitlessly to pry it off. Panic gripped him as he started to violently struggle to no avail.

Shizuo soon loosened his grip, though only slightly. Izaya coughed quietly, tears in the corner of his eyes. "Fucking tell me." The blond demanded and Izaya glared viciously at him.

" _Fine_ , since my personal life is of such  _utter_  importance to you. Mikado is my lover." Izaya spat his voice gravelly from the assault on his windpipe. Shizuo looked at the informant totally dumbfounded, either he'd been too dumb to even think of them being together as an option or it was shocking to hear.

Well, really, it was a lie anyway.

Maybe more of a half-truth.

Shizuo's mouth opened and closed a few times reminding the other man of a mindless goldfish, fitting really. Sadly the silence didn't last long as he soon screeched in Izaya's face and his hold on the man loosened in utter disbelief and rage.

"WHAT!? THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY THAT'S TRUE!"

Izaya saw his chance and he took it. Using all his strength he kicked off from the wall, breaking free of Shizuo's hold and scrambled up the fire escape. Shizuo let out a frustrated yell and got ready to follow him. "Why the rage over my relationship status Shizu-chan?" He taunted looking down at the blond with a victorious smirk. "Jealous or something~?" he sang in the most condescending manner he could.

Izaya hadn't expected the blond's reaction. He flinched at the informant's words like he'd been physically hit, behind his sunglasses his eyes were wide and hurt. Izaya grinned ear to ear.

"Holy shit, you are jealous." He realised, smiling like a maniac. "Tell me Shizu-chan? Who are you more jealous of, me or Mikado?" he asked watching as the blond clenched his jaw, curling his hands into fists and ducked his head.

Izaya laughed viciously in dark amusement. "How sad." He cackled before turning his heel and escaping up the fire escape while the blond was standing there hurting.

How ridiculous! How hilarious! Izaya thought as he free ran away from his enemy. To think that Shizuo was actually jealous. But who was he jealous of he wondered? Was he jealous of Izaya being with a cutie like Mikado or was he jealous that Mikado was with Izaya?

Izaya's amused smirk faded as he remembered something from years before. Something Izaya barely remembered but tormented him nonetheless. For Shinra's twenty-first birthday the two enemies had agreed on a truce whilst they were in Shinra's apartment which basically meant they ignored each other like the plague and refused to even acknowledge the other was in the same building.

It had been a great party and Izaya had gotten pretty drunk with a group of cute girls, he'd planned to take one, if all three home with him. It had been a pretty fun night until Shinra had dragged Shizuo over with the hope of hooking him up with one of Izaya's girls claiming loudly that the blond was shy and such which had the girls all babying him.

Izaya had wanted to keep his promise to Shinra and kept his mouth shut, he went to leave because the girls he'd seduced were now more interested in the taller and manlier looking Shizuo which pissed him off. His memory got pretty fuzzy from there out but he remembered that Shizuo had followed him. Izaya had been blind drunk, barely able to walk or talk without slurring.

The blond said something about finding somewhere to rest and the next thing Izaya knew he was waking up naked next to Shizuo with a sore ass, bruises all over his body and dried cum all over his thighs. He didn't remember what happened, he hadn't even known whether he'd consented at all. 

He'd never been so mortified in his life. He'd quickly escaped from the room while the beast was still sleeping, hoping Shizuo wouldn't remember what had happened or who'd he'd been. Izaya took care to avoid Shizuo for weeks and when they finally met again Shizuo acted differently, all nice and Izaya hated it. The blond had thought that their one night together had meant something and that Izaya didn't hate him anymore.

But he was wrong. Izaya hated him even more than he did before. That's when the informant framed Shizuo for his crimes. He didn't want Shizuo to like him, he wanted the monster he knew he was, rampaging across the city like a raging bull. He wanted their old dynamic, the one of violence and hatred.

Much to his joy, he got it back.

Shizuo hated him with a renewed vengeance and they never spoke of that night again much to Izaya's relief but the informant was never really sure if the blond had gotten over it…now it certainly seemed that he might not have even after all this time but honestly Izaya didn't care. He hated Shizuo, loathed him, he wanted the man to drown in misery and die painfully.

Izaya shook off his thoughts of the past and continued to hurry home. There was only one person he really cared about apart from himself and that was Mikado. Their bond was unbreakable and stronger than anything Izaya had ever had before.

Izaya had figured out years before that he couldn't form romantic feelings for people no matter who they were or how much he got along with them. But, the connection he had formed with Mikado over the last year and a half was the closest thing to love he could have.

He'd never been able to feel so close to someone in his entire life. He didn't care what anyone said, Izaya was sure Mikado was the only one he could bond with to such an intimate level. Which really, made Mikado the only one he could really be with.

And he was perfectly okay with that. 

* * *

 

**Explantion:**

_For all of those that are confused. Izaya and Mikado love one another but they are **NOT IN LOVE** with each other. In this work, Izaya is an aromantic (someone who feels little or no romantic attraction to others) and Mikado just doesn't understand the concept of love and hence, unable to fall in love._

_It's hard to explain but they have a non-romantic but extremely close and affectionate friendship in which they have sex in a "friends with benefits" type manner._


	17. Change in Attitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikado has a good talk to himself to convince himself to allow himself to move on.

**_~Ryugamine Mikado~_ **

As the taxi pulled away from the curb Mikado sat there frozen, he was completely caught off guard by Izaya's kiss but even more so by the expression on Heiwajima Shizuo's face. The blond man had looked not only shocked but almost like he'd been slapped in the face.

The teen wondered why that was but his mind soon wandered to other thoughts. He felt terrible for leaving Izaya there, he had sworn to protect the informant and while Izaya had even ordered him never to interfere with his fights with Shizuo it still made him feel like shit.

Mikado looked at his reflection in the car door and had an instant desire to punch it in the face. So pathetic, so useless…he hated it. He hated himself. He'd never felt this amount of animosity towards anyone not even towards Aboa or Izumii. It was a dark feeling that swirled in his chest, blackening his insides with twisted emotions and thoughts.

He had sworn to Izaya to be useful to him but he was nothing but a burden now and he hated himself for it. The feeling inside him made him want to claw off his own skin and rip apart his own body to try and get it out, to punish himself for everything.

He wanted to feel pain…but he couldn't.

He couldn't pull his hair, claw at his arms and shoulders to try and relieve himself of this desire of self-destruction. He had to seriously wonder if being alive was benefiting anyone now, his answer was no but he also had a feeling people would mourn over him, the people that didn't know he was a monster.

But there was Izaya. Mikado didn't want to upset him any more than he'd already had. Killing himself would be like admitting he was weak, that he could never help Izaya again. Suicide wasn't the answer – no. But he couldn't stay like this either…what could he do to get better? He didn't know. He didn't have a single clue.

The taxi arrived at Izaya apartment and Mikado handed him the money the informant had given him. He carefully unlocked the door to Izaya's apartment and hobbled inside, his mind alert for any possible dangers.

Mikado put his crutches aside and walked slowly and carefully to the bathroom to use the toilet. He caught his own reflection in the mirror, he looked tired and sick. Like he was wasting away just by standing there.

He didn't know what he was doing. He'd rang Izaya that night to save him, so he could still live his life after what happened but…he hadn't been, at all. He'd been cooped up inside Izaya's apartment avoiding everyone and everything he wanted to survive for.

"What…am I doing?" Mikado hung his head. He knew it was only normal to react this way after what happened to him, to be depressed and such but what was the point of it all if he was just going to throw away his life anyway?

If he was going to hide away and become recluse and throw away his life then he might as well have let Aoba do whatever he wanted to him, he should have laid there and taken the abuse until it was over. He should have killed himself instead of calling Izaya. He should have handed himself over to the police. He should have just let Izumii Ran rape and kill him.

But he didn't do any of those things because he wanted to  _live._ Mikado grip on the sink tightened until his knuckles were white. That's right…Mikado wanted to live so what was he doing running away from his life? From the outside world, his friends and education – everything.

What was he doing?

So what if he killed Aoba? After what he did, he deserved it! Izaya was right, Mikado didn't do anything wrong! Aoba had always been a rotten person and even if he did have people that cared about him that didn't mean he didn't deserve to die.

A slight chuckled bubbled out of Mikado's throat before it turned into a full maniacal cackle.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" He exclaimed to his reflection. "I shouldn't have to pay for this! I don't deserve to suffer! I won't let them ruin my life anymore!" he yelled with a crazed smile.

"I don't care! I don't care! I don't care if I killed them! They deserved it!" Mikado yelled, tears streaming down his face. Though he wasn't sure he quite believed the words coming out of his mouth, he was going to convince himself he did so that way he'd at least persuade himself it was alright for him to move on with his life.

"I have every right to live my life! I won't let them destroy it!" Mikado shouted in triumph with a wide smile. The teen didn't know how long he stood there yelling at himself in the mirror but he did it until he was heaving for breath and his throat was raw.

"Heh…do you get it now?" he croaked with a sort of self- deprecating smile at his reflection. He washed his face that was now covered in the salty tracks of his tears and left the bathroom feeling much better than he had in quite some time. He knew that he had a long way to go before he got better but at least now he felt like it was alright if he tried too, he had people to help him, he had Izaya so it wasn't like he was alone in anything.

He had everyone else too and while they didn't know what had happened and it made Mikado feel a bit guilty – they still wanted to help him. The teen sat on the sofa, exhausted after his strange session in the bathroom. He relaxed into the soft black leather and looked out the large windows.

He'd have to make it up to Izaya, the man had really gone all out to help Mikado with everything. Mikado wanted to help Izaya too, the man was so lonely and deep inside, he had a feeling that Izaya was a very sad person.

He wanted to be there for Izaya like he promised he would. He would be the friend that Izaya so desperately wanted and needed in his life, he would be there and support Izaya as the man had supported him in the last few months.

Mikado smiled and this time it was a real smile as he realised that Izaya was probably his best friend. The informant was a lot for understanding and supportive than Masaomi had ever been, he felt closer to Izaya than anyone like the man had become another part of him. Mikado didn't know anything about love but he could tell that there was love in their friendship the kind of pure love that parents felt for the children.

Mikado could feel his eyes droop closed as he thought about how he would greet Izaya when he got home. The informant would surely be happy to see him more upbeat and when Mikado told him that he wasn't going to let what happened ruin his life anymore, that he was ready to get better – he knew Izaya would be ecstatic.

The sound of the door being unlocked and beeping as it opened made Mikado open his eyes and sit up, looking towards the door to see the informant taking off his shoes.

"I'm home Mikado." The man called out shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on the coat rack. Mikado got to his feet and slowly hobbled over to the man.

"Welcome back." Mikado murmured with a smile and Izaya froze. He looked at the teen with a stunned expression before he also smiled.

"Perhaps I should say the same to you. What happened while I was gone?" Izaya stepped closer to the teen putting his hand on Mikado's cheek. The teen nuzzled into the man's hand happily.

"I had a good talk to myself," Mikado told him proudly as Izaya's thumbs brushed under one of the teen's puffy red eyes.

"Is that so, let's go sit down and you can tell me about it." They moved back to the sofa which Mikado found a lot easier to do with Izaya helping him. They sat down, all but snuggling into each other's side which had become natural to them over the last few months.

"I was just thinking on my way home that…what was the point of me going through all this just to throw my life away? If I hide myself in here what was the point of me surviving?" Mikado said his voice quiet and careful.

"I confronted myself in the mirror, trying to convince myself that I did the right thing and that it's alright for me to try and get better…" Mikado gently traced his burnt hand with his fingers, the skin felt thin and papery.

"It is more than okay for you to try and get better." Izaya insisted his red eyes filled with support and Mikado nodded.

"Yeah…I don't know if I actually believe it quite yet but I want to try…I want live Izaya…" the teen looked deep into Izaya eyes. The informant smiled comfortingly and pulled the teen into a hug. Mikado wrapped his arms around the older male and buried his face in his chest, taking comfort in the man's body warmth.

"You can do it, Mikado. I'll be right here to help you." Izaya pulled back slightly and Mikado looked up into his eyes. Mikado nodded and smiled,

"Thank you Izaya…thank you for everything." The teen could feel a fresh batch of tears stinging his eyes and Izaya smiled, resting his forehead on Mikado's.

"We made a deal remember…?" he murmured but he wasn't convincing anyone, their relationship had gone far beyond whatever deal they could have made. Mikado sniffed and clung to Izaya tighter.

"I know…" he smiled, they stayed like that just holding, comforting one another and talking in hushed voices even though no one else was in the apartment. It was a warm and Mikado felt safer than ever before.

But the sound of the door unlocking ruined it all and the two looked towards the door in confusion.

"Who could that be? It's Namie's day off…" Izaya wondered as he reached between the couch cushions for the knife hidden there. Mikado's body stiffened in fear and looked worriedly between the door and the informant.

"Who's there!?" Izaya demanded fiercely and Mikado sunk further into the sofa, shaking slightly in fear.

Why couldn't he just have one moment of peace?


	18. Uninvited Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mystery guest turns out to be the person Mikado doesn't want to see the most.

**_~Orihara Izaya~_ **

Izaya didn't know who was at the door, he hadn't told anyone to come over or given anyone permission to come into his home. The person didn't reply to his demand which only made him even more suspicious. He glanced over at Mikado who looked terrified and whispered to the teen to get down. Mikado sunk into the couch, hiding behind the backrest.

If someone were to enter from the entrance they wouldn't be able to see him. As footsteps came closer, a familiar form came into sight and it was one that Izaya didn't want to see right now.

"What are you doing here Kida-kun?" Izaya asked openly annoyed, narrowing his eyes at the blond haired teen. He could see Mikado stiffen out of the corner of his eye, it was pretty obvious that he didn't want to see the other teen. Izaya walked away from the sofa and towards the other teenager so his focus would be away from the sofa where Mikado was hiding.

"You haven't given me any jobs in over a month Orihara-san," Kida said coldly, not hiding his hatred for the older male. Izaya hummed and shrugged,

"So what? I thought you would be glad that I was finally leaving you alone." Izaya taunted with a smirk and Kida clenched his fist.

"You know I need money to live, we can't afford rent or our bills without income!" Masaomi snapped. "That's why I agreed to work for you in the first place."

"Of course but I never said it would be a stable income Kida-kun. You get paid for the jobs you do so naturally if there are no jobs, you don't get paid." Izaya said nonchalantly sitting on the corner of his desk.

He honestly just wanted Kida to leave. He was finally having a decent talk to Mikado before the blond arrived and ruined everything. They were enjoying the moment of a turning point in Mikado's recovery.

"I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing by not giving us any work but it stops now," Masaomi growled. "You always have jobs, don't say you don't." Izaya gave an annoyed sigh and cracked his neck.

"Really Kida-kun, did you come all the way here to try and demand something of me? I thought you would know better than that." Izaya smirked. "Honestly, still relying on me, the man who supposedly hate when you could easily just get a normal job at a convenience store or something like most teenagers your age." The man couldn't help but torment the blond, he'd been stressed lately.

Masaomi shook with rage, clenching his fist as he glared at the informant who smirked even more.

"If I got a normal job then what would happen if you gave me a job suddenly?" the teen snapped. "I'd have to quit, wouldn't I?"

"I'm not making you work for me Kida-kun." Izaya pushed off from his desk, suppressing a wince as he put too much pressure on his burnt hand which was still protected the black leather glove.

"It's the only way to have any insight into whatever sick games you're planning to play with Mikado!" Masaomi snapped, stomping his foot like a small child. Izaya rolled his eyes,

"You mean it's the only way to know what Mikado-kun is doing because you're too much of a coward just to talk to him?" Izaya walked towards Masaomi with a sadistic smirk, he put his hand on the teen's shoulder and leaned in close to meet eyes with the enraged blond. "Don't put the blame on me Kida-kun. This is all on you."

"Fuck you!" Masaomi swung his fist at the informant who laughed at the teen's frustration. He was blaming everything on Izaya as usual and the older man found it hilarious. He couldn't fault how utterly human it was of the blond teenager to blame someone else for all his problems, to not take responsibility for his actions.

"Well, as fun as this has been Kida-kun, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," Izaya said turning away from the blond with a smirk and walking back to his desk. "I'm quite a busy person and I don't have the time to play around with the likes of you." He glanced behind him only to see Masaomi rushing towards him. Izaya's eyes widened as he turned his body to block whatever attack the teen was planning, he didn't have any room to dodge.

Izaya hear the rush of footsteps before he saw Mikado, the blur of the weakened teen slammed into the side of Masaomi's body with a grunt making them both crash to the floor with a bang.

"Mikado!" Izaya exclaimed in shock his eyes growing wide as he rushed to the teen's side. Mikado's face was pained but he looked up at Izaya and smiled.

"I'm alright, are you okay?" he murmured. Izaya helped the teen sit up completely ignoring Masaomi who was groaning and also sitting up.

"I should be asking you that." Izaya sighed, shaking his head, "What were you thinking?"

"He tried to attack you-" Mikado protested before being cut off but Masaomi who had finally recovered from being tackled to the floor.

"Mikado!?" the blond teen exclaimed in complete shock. Izaya kept his eyes on the teen in his arms. Mikado stiffened at his name and purposely turned away from Masaomi, all but hiding his face in Izaya's shoulder.

Izaya picked Mikado up bridal style making the teen yelp in surprise and circle his arms around the older man's shoulders in fear of falling. "You need to leave Kida-kun," Izaya said coldly, looking down at the blond teen who scrambled to his feet.

"Mikado! What are you doing here?" Masaomi exclaimed, sounding much too accusing for Izaya's tastes. "I thought I told you Orihara Izaya was dangerous so what are you doing at his apartment of all places!?"

Izaya frowned deeply as Mikado gripped his shirt and buried his face in the man's shoulder. "Kida. I told you to leave." Izaya said coldly, narrowing his eyes threateningly but the blond just glared at the informant.

"What the hell do you do to him!?" the blond yelled furiously. "I knew you had some intention towards him! Why can't you just leave him alone!?" Masaomi was fuming and Izaya was starting to become mad.

The blond didn't know anything, he knew nothing. He didn't know that Izaya had been sleeping with Mikado for months, he didn't know that they hid a dead body together, that Mikado had saved him and Izaya had spent the last month looking after Mikado, relentlessly nursing him back to health.

"Enough!" Mikado suddenly yelled, his voice uneven and breaking at the end and Izaya knew the teen in his arms was upset. "Just leave Masaomi-kun…" he said weakly, still not looking at the blond. "You don't know anything so shut up and leave." He repeated a bit stronger.

"Mikado! What are you saying?" Masaomi exclaimed in disbelief.

"You heard him, he told you to leave." Izaya held Mikado closer to his chest. The teen had just made a little bit of progress and now Masaomi was threatening to undo it all. Izaya couldn't allow that, Mikado had saved his life. He'd always liked the teen but now their bond was deeper. Izaya had never had a bond like this with anyone, not even his real family so now…Mikado was his family and he would protect him.

"You told him to say those things, didn't you? What kind of sick enjoyment do you get twisting his mind up like that!? Why couldn't you leave him alone!" Masaomi took a step closer and Izaya glared at him.

"I really don't like your false accusations Kida-kun. You really have no proof that I've done anything bad to Mikado-kun, you're just making things up that are not only upsetting Mikado-kun but angering me and that's not something you can just get away with." Izaya lowed his voice, threatening the blond teen who seemed to realise who he was talking to and nervous back down a little.

"If you've done nothing to Mikado then why isn't he looking at me?" Masaomi clenched his fist. Izaya rolled his eyes,

"Hm, I don't know Kida-kun. Do you think it could have something to do with that fact that despite you convincing Mikado-kun to move to Ikebukuro, promising to look out for him, saying that you guys were going to have so much fun together in the city, you instead, dragged him into a dangerous shit storm of your past and then ran away. You abandoned him without a word, leaving him confused and upset. I think that's a good reason why Mikado-kun doesn't want anything to do with you, don't you think?" Izaya's words cut into Masaomi who couldn't hide the hurt on his face if he tried.

Izaya carefully kept an eye on Mikado's body language making sure he wasn't getting to upset.

"F-fine," Masaomi said blinking away tears. "But why is he with you of all people?"

"Well, I wonder…" Izaya smirked. "I guess we'll leave that to your imagination." Izaya taunted before Mikado raised his head. Izaya looked at him curiously, meeting eyes with the teen. His eyes were unreadable and the informant wondered what the teen was thinking.

Izaya felt a little tingle at the closeness which made him feel a bit ashamed. But he couldn't help but think that Mikado was pleasing to the eye, especially up close and curling up to his chest. Izaya scolded himself, it was true that he hadn't been able to have much time alone lately to  _take care_ of himself but this no time to be drawn in by Mikado's charms.

Or so he thought but Mikado made the first move. Izaya blinked when Mikado pulled him down to press their lips together in a gentle kiss. Izaya's eyes went wide but he soon lowered his lashes at and peeked at Masaomi out of the corner of his eye.

The blond looked utterly mortified as he stared at them kissing with wide eyes and his mouth hung. Izaya closed his eyes completely, allowing himself to enjoy their second kiss of the day. He kissed Mikado back gently, letting the younger male handle the pace and intensity. Mikado set a rather slow and gentle pace but Izaya still found himself enjoying it a lot.

Mikado pulled back with a small smile on his face that made Izaya smile as well. "My, I didn't think you'd do that in front of him." Izaya murmured honestly and Mikado blushed a little.

"Well, …you did it in front of everyone else." The teen looked up at him and Izaya realised that Mikado had done it to shock Masaomi into leaving. Izaya was a little disappointed but in the end, he didn't care all that much. He chuckled,

"I guess that's true." Izaya turned to Masaomi who looked like he was about to burst into tears at the sight of them. "I guess it's not just up your imagination after all,~" he taunted, licking his lips. Masaomi trembled as tears welled in his eyes, Izaya could feel Mikado's grip on him tighten and he knew that the teen in his arms was hurting. Mikado didn't want to hurt Masaomi but he'd chosen too.

"W-why…?" Masaomi choked out thickly. "S-since when…?" Izaya could hear the tears in his voice, the hurt. Even he felt a tiny bit of pity for him so he knew that this would be tearing Mikado apart. And that's what really pained Izaya.

"…it was probably…a few months after I came to Ikebukuro. Around the time of the slasher attacks." Mikado said quietly not looking at his former friend.

"No…" Izaya looked up as the blond teen took a step back. "No…that can't be true…Mikado! Tell me that isn't true!" he cried, tears sliding down his face. Izaya could feel the pull as Mikado gripped his shirt tightly before he looked up to face Masaomi.

"I'm sorry…" his voice was thick with tears. Izaya held Mikado close as Masaomi turned and ran from the apartment, slamming the door on the way out. Izaya's heart squeezed painfully as quiet sobs escaped Mikado.

Why did this have to happen? Mikado had finally started smiling again…actually smiling…Izaya thought as he walked over to the sofa and sat down with Mikado in his lap. The teen curled up to his chest, crying.

Izaya wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back comfortingly. "Shh, it's alright. You're okay Mikado." He murmured into the teen's hair trying his best to calm him down.

"You're alright Mikado, I've got you. I'm here." He murmured and Mikado hugged him tighter.

At that moment, Izaya could help but think emotions were incredibly cruel and fickle things.


End file.
